It's Official

So I went to the doctor today and got everything sorted out with the time frame of having my baby. Since my due date is on the Saturday of the Labor Day weekend, my doctor said it would be best to induce me before then. When I got my ultrasound, they said that my due date was August 29, so my doctor thinks it's perfectly fine to induce me between the two dates.

Now things are starting to get more real. I called Ray and told him everything the doctor said, so now he has to get a plane ticket and make all the arrangements to be able to take time off to be here. I'll be having a baby in exactly a month from today. Holy moly.....

Happy Grandparents

"Happy" is probably the hugest understatement in the universe. My Mom and Dad couldn't be more excited about officially being Grandma Grace and Grandpa Rob, and my grandparents couldn't be happier about being GREAT-grandmas and grandpa. haha. Clarke sends us these pictures of Lily because... you know... that's what you do as a new parent. You take a lot of pictures. I haven't asked him if I can post the pictures, but I figure since I'm the aunt and it's my blog and my parents forwarded me the email with all the pictures that by extension, that gives me the right to post them. haha. So. Observe the pride that the grandparents and great grandparents of the family have in their first grandchild/great grandchild. This was the first time my grandparents got to meet Lily.

My parents/ Grandma Grace and Grandpa Rob. Dad is clearly content, and mom is clearly itching to hold Lily.

Then everything in the world is right again for my Mom. haha.

If Mom had Facebook, this would be her profile picture.

This is probably the most awesome sequence of pictures I've ever seen in my life. This is Great Grandma Dyer.

Lily's starting to fuss a little bit...

Yep. Definitely fussing. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! LOVE IT!

Okay better... haha...

Grandpa McLennan and Grandma Olive. Don't ask. That's just what we've always called them. We realized semi recently how it makes no sense that we call grandpa by his last name, but grandma by her first... haha...

Okay so there were some cousins too. This is Nicole, and she's my cousin. So we tried to figure out what that makes her to Lily. We decided that possibly it means that they're first cousins once removed???

This is an ACTUAL cousin to Lily. This is Marie who is Cecilia's brother's daughter. Marie's mom and grandma are supervising. haha.

This is a four generation picture!! Cecilia's daughter, mother and grandmother. Cool eh??

Babies make funny faces too. Observe.

Spit up face

Camera too close to my face face

What the heck am I doing here face

I don't know how I feel about this place and why am I awake face

Trying to figure out my own face face

Yawning face

Adorable. Four and a half weeks until I get to see the adorably funny faces my own baby makes. haha. WOOT!!!

Changes

I had a huge epiphany tonight. It was a hard one for me to take actually.. Ray and I are obviously in a strange place since all this immigration stuff is keeping us apart for the time being. I think I've been handling it as well as I can though. I've been strong, but of course have had my fair share of loneliness.

What I didn't think of until tonight was the complete dependence (financially speaking) I'll have on Ray once I am finally there with him. To be quite honest, that thought scares the bejeebers out of me. I have never in my life, since having my first job, been dependent on anyone to provide for me. I've always been able to make my own money, even being pregnant I've been getting money... albeit through the government, but it's still my own income. To think that soon I'll be in a spot where I'm not independent like that anymore is kind of a hard pill for me to swallow...

It's totally a complete rewiring of my brain. That's not to say I don't trust my husband, because I do completely trust him. His work ethic and drive really doesn't allow him the option to fail. So I know that I'll always be provided for, it's just the process of changing how I think that's the obstacle.

Ever since I've been working (I started when I was 15), I could always rely on myself. I made money for clothes, shoes and fun. Then when I grew up, I continued working which would provide me the money for food, rent, clothes, shoes, and fun. And since I know myself pretty well, I always knew I would have enough. Now I've reached a point where I have to trust in someone else to do for me what I've always done for myself. It's becoming clear to me how much I loved being in control of my life. I even took pride in it. Now that part of me has to transfer to my husband. It's something that I'm willing to do, I just have to learn how... I have no experience in that area.

Ray will be a great provider. I have no doubt. He's working so hard already, and he's done a great job at setting up the place where we'll be a family together. I guess I'm at the point in my life where my role as a woman is going to be completely different from what I've ever known. It was an adjustment adding "wife" to my repertoire, and it'll be an adjustment adding "mother" to it. Not to mention at the same time adding "dependent" on top of it all. I'll have to figure out who I am in that regards. I know I'll love having my baby around and taking care of him and feeling the unconditional love for him, it's just that I've never thought of how the process of falling into those rolls would go.

My point... is that I'm just discovering the huge learning curve that's about to take place in my life. I was prepared for a learning curve as a result of childbirth, but it never occurred to me that there would be any other learning process on top of that. I do look forward to being with my husband again, and I guess it's good that I thought of this whole financial reliance thing before I got there. I can try to prepare myself as best I can to accept that he's the one in charge of making the money now and trusting in that the same way I trusted in myself.

I don't even know if any of this made sense. Sometimes I just have to write things out and get all my scrambled thoughts in the open before they scramble my brain... haha... At least this helped me sort things out. That was the goal. Anyways... That's what's on my mind tonight...

Getting Impatient

Since becoming an aunt, it has done nothing but make me more impatient. haha... I've only seen Lily twice, and I'm already more baby hungry than I ever have been. Good thing I'm already super pregnant. Only 5 more weeks to go, and from what every woman I talk to tells me, these last weeks are the worst. Lucky me... haha. I'm definitely getting increasingly less comfortable, that's for sure. My baby has some decent mass to him now, so I can't really push him out of my ribs like I used to. He just pushes back on my hips. I've found that as long as I can sit at a slightly reclined angle, I'm as comfortable as I'm gonna get. It gives my short torso about as much room to breathe as humanly possible without stretching me out too much.

Anyways... It's things like this that make me that much more excited to meet my little boy.

Sometimes I forget how much my brother and I are alike, but then he does something like this, and it reminds me that I'll be doing the exact same things. haha.

Yeesh... Lily's only 5 days old! She's so chubby!!!

So... Five more weeks to go... I can do it. As long as I sleep lots, drink lots of water, try to eat as best I can, and stay semi active, the time should fly by right?... :S I'm not expecting it to, but I can always hope.

BABY I WANT TO MEET YOU!!!!!!!!

I'M AN AUNT!!!

I am OFFICIALLY an aunt to my first blood related niece.

Lily Ava Dyer was born just after 10:30am yesterday (July 21) and she's a PORKER!!!!! 9 lbs 6 oz!!! I went with my mom and dad to visit the newest addition to our family that afternoon. Both mom and dad were buzzing with excitement, which I thought was throughly entertaining but also completely understandable since this is their first grandchild and all.

Clarke and Cecilia were both exhausted since they'd been up all night, and I think they were both in a state of shock. haha. It's funny how having a kid does that to you. One minute you're not a parent and the next you are. I guess I'll have my own taste of that in about 6 weeks or so.

She sure chose a significant day to come though! She shares a birthday with my Great Grandma, which I guess makes her Lily's Great GREAT Grandma! Pretty awesome if i do say so myself.

But here she is! My adorable not so little niece!!!

I'm so proud!!!!! And I'm also hoping that her upcoming cousin isn't near as big as she is!!! *fingers crossed*

This Belly Of Mine

I realize that when I say that my belly has a mind of it's own, it actually does... But the expression is still valid! Each day this child is getting stronger and stronger, and his kicks have a whole lot more umph than they used to. I've also decided that I'm pretty sure this baby doesn't curl up in a ball. He's full on sprawled out inside my belly. I'm constantly un-wedging his leg from underneath my ribs, while getting punched at the hip. I've definitely got an active child on my hands and Ray is already a proud father of his strong boy. haha... He loves that the baby is so active, but he's not on the receiving end of all these jabs. haha.

I must admit though... Lying down and watching my belly do all sorts of weird things is kind of entertaining. That is, until I get kicked in the bladder or the kidneys. haha.

This whole being pregnant thing is quite the unique experience. It's hard to believe that I've only got about 6 weeks left to go. Woot!!! Then I can (mostly) have my own body back! Yay!!! That also means that I'll be seeing my husband that soon, and together we'll be able to welcome our super active child into this world together. How exciting!

My mom is plenty excited too! She's been on a blanket making binge for the last few months. She finishes one and starts another one the very next day. She says she's making them for babies in the Ward, which in part is true, but I think its her way of coping with the anticipation of her upcoming grandchildren. I'm surprised at how well she's holding herself together! Cecilia's due date is in 4 days! I think I almost expected mom to be with Cecilia practically willing her womb into labor somehow.

I can see my dad's heart starting to melt at the thought of these two grandchildren of his too. Dad has a major weakness for newborns, and I think it's starting to hit him that he's gonna have privileged access to these two. He's getting excited in his own way. He even rubs my belly before heading off to bed. haha.

There are all sorts of things to look forward to. My own nesting instincts have started kicking in too. I went shopping the other day because I had a whole bunch of points collected so I could get a lot of free stuff from a drug store. So I started a stock pile of diapers. haha. Mom and Dad are also helping me out a lot because they just bought me a playard (not playPEN), stroller and car seat this week. I set up the playard in my room and it's waiting patiently at the side of my bed to be used by my little one soon. It's pretty neat to have that reminder in my room.

I decided that the best place for it was underneath the picture of Ray and I together. That way our little boy will wake up every morning to see his daddy watching over him. It's really important to me that our baby becomes familiar with Ray as his father after he has to go back to work in Colorado. I'll be showing him pictures and putting Ray on speakerphone when we're talking so that he can always feel connected. It's the best I can do while we're apart.

Ray and I were talking a few days ago about how we're coping with being apart right now. I totally give all the credit to the hope that comes from knowing the Plan of Salvation. It helps me look at things eternally, and when I think about being Ray's wife forever, it makes this time that we have to be apart seem shorter. So 50 years down the road we'll be telling our grandkids about this time and it'll seem like such a distant memory because we will have been long since reunited, making this time right now seem so insignificant.

I gave a talk last week at Church about that same thing. Maybe that's why right now I'm filled with hope, and not so full of despair like I was a week or two ago. The doctrine is refreshed within my soul and it's giving me lots of much needed strength.

My little brother gave me flack in his last email for not updating my blog at all last week. It's how he keeps track of me while he's out on his mission. So I hope this makes up for his obvious disappointment. haha. Life continues to go on, and I'm learning how to deal with it better. That and it seems like the people around me are becoming more understanding of me and the decisions I've made for my life. Thank goodness. It's making things that much easier.

NKOTBSB!!!

That's right. I am THAT cool. It's pretty much common knowledge that I have never grown out of my boy band phase. haha. So when you've got New Kids on the Block touring WITH Backstreet Boys, that's pure boy band heaven! I even remember thinking during the height of my BSB mania that it would be such a genius franchise idea to put the two bands together because that would just be awesome with even more awesome piled on top. Well clearly they read my mind, because here they are together on one stage. So. Friggin. Amazing. And as if that wasn't enough, the opener was even incredible! It was Matthew Morrison, better known as Mr. Scheuster from GLEE!!! HAHA!!!

Crystal and I had our own pre-show star sighting. As we were walking towards the arena, we walked past all the tour busses, and we saw some guys playing with remote control cars. We realized that one of the guys was AJ! The Backstreet Boy AJ!!! Nobody else around us really seemed to notice, so we didn't make a scene or anything. We both were kind of in shock actually... That was AJ!! We were 20ft away from him!!! Looking back, I should have gotten him to pose for a picture... but I didn't. Missed opportunity on my part, but whatever. The memory of it all is still there and it makes me laugh.

As Crystal put it, the whole night attracted "quarter agers". No teenagers, no middle agers, just an arena full of 22 - 35 year olds. Because lets be honest. Backstreet Boys are old news to all the "Beliebers" out there. Fine by me! Young teenyboppers are the worst! On the other hand, a whole bunch of women gathering to relive the good ol teenybopper days is way entertaining! There seems to be less life-threatening chaos. haha.

Crystal and I also decided after the show had started that all of the members of NKOTBSB are in their physical prime. haha. They're out of their awkward, lanky teenager stage and are actual grown ups now. It was quite visually pleasing. haha... However. My husband deserves the recognition that he's still more attractive then all of them. I'm not sure if he always believes me because he said to me once "Why don't you ever scream like that for me?..." but my point still stands! Husband trumps boy band no matter how pretty they are! Got it Ray??? I do not lie!!!

The concert itself was incredible. It wasn't both bands on stage the whole time like I thought it was going to be. Both bands took turns singing songs, which I thought was genius, and they had a few songs that they all sang together. But for the most part they were separate. That way we got to enjoy New Kids songs  and BSB songs as I already knew them. So satisfying!

Also, I wasn't the only pregnant one there. Whew!!!

Here are some pictures from the night!

Matthew Morrison playing the ukelele!

My teenage dreams have come true!!! Two legendary boy bands. One stage!!!

BSB

New Kids

The big screens were really clear, so I got some sweet pictures from them.

They've totally still got moves. I was impressed with their dance skills.

I thought this picture was kinda cool, since my camera focused on a hand in the air instead of the stage.

Sing it Joey!!! Also. Best sign I saw of the night said "Joey, Lets Wife Swap!" haha! 

Brian was such a crowd pleaser. He was always waving and touching fans hands more than anyone else. So adorable.

Howie definitely got less funny looking. I think it's because he chopped off that weird ponytail of his.

Nick also aged well...

They look so... boy band-y...

This guy was hilarious. He was dressed all in white, holding a sign that said "Official BSB Stunt Double" haha! All the power to ya man...

Whoever threw this bra on stage put A LOT of work into it. haha. Donny (after ripping his tank top off and throwing it into the crowd) picked up the bra and hung it on his microphone stand. I thought it was kinda funny...

If only I could read minds... The look on Jordan's face is priceless.

More awesome dancing!!!

The New Kids came out for the finale wearing bedazzled Boston Celtics Jerseys, and BSB came out wearing bedazzled Orlando Jerseys. haha. Represent where you're from right??

The man circle

SO AMAZING!!!!!!!!!! The concert was everything I hoped it would be. I left VERY happy.

Independence Day Indeed

Tonight I was watching a new TLC show called Surprise Homecoming. It's all about surprising US military families with the homecoming of their loved ones who have been serving abroad. I had a really hard time watching it and the emotions it sparked within me kind of caught me off guard.

I was happy for those families that got to see their loved ones again, and obviously it made me a little emotional at the thought of having my own permanent reunion with my husband. I was surprised though that the overwhelming emotion I was feeling was anger...

With today being July 4th and everything, the USA is celebrating their independence, but I was looking at it differently. Here I am, married and pregnant, yet completely independent from my husband at no fault of my own (except for the fact that I married him), whereas these military families volunteered to be apart when the soldier enlisted. There's so much emphasis placed on bringing the soldiers home to be with their families again, yet there is no emphasis on people like me that just have to wait until it's decided we aren't a threat to their country.

My husband and I are stuck (literally) in the middle of this whole drawn out immigration process that has no appeal to anyone's human side. It's just a bunch of requirements that need to be met and papers that need to be filled out and submitted. I understand that the same guidelines apply to each person worldwide, but the combination of time, money and excessive paperwork is forcing us to spend what looks like at least a whole year apart. I don't really feel like forcing a family to be apart for that long, just because of a decision to get married, is human. Yet there seems to be no urgency in preventing that from happening to anyone. I'm sure if they wanted, they could find out if the marriage is a scam or not some other more efficient way. Having to come up with the money to pay the huge fees for filing the paperwork that basically details my entire life history takes time. Then more time is spent having to wait while that actual paperwork is being processed. Then having to pay even more money, which takes even more time to come up with, just so I can fly across Canada to prove to some stranger in person that I'm actually in love with my husband... It's all so excessive and ridiculous.

So I wasn't celebrating my independence today. I have no reason TO celebrate it. I'm just in a situation where I'm forced to live without my husband as I watch these soldiers with priority placed on them to reunite with their families. Compared to them, I feel like I'm a nuisance... like I'm just being pushed aside.

I guess what I'm getting at is on this day, when all the people in the US are celebrating their country, I'm left feeling kind of bitter because I feel ignored. I feel as if I'm being treated more as a number, and less as a person. They don't care about my situation. They just care that the requirements are met, and unfortunately it's not as easy for us to do as it is for others, considering the fact that we have to do it all by ourselves. We have nobody to sponsor us and vouch for us, so we just have to invest even more time into coming up with the money for fees and proof of assets and annual income completely by ourselves. My husband is working his butt off trying to come up with the necessary money, but the work being put into making money means nothing. It just means more time him and we have to be apart.

I wish there was someone that I could talk to who cares about individuals. I know there are people who have the power to bypass, or at least speed up all of this junk and let us be together. I just don't know how to get to those people. The US government needs to know that I won't become a welfare case, and I know I won't because I know the effort my husband is putting forth to not allow that to happen ever, but like I said, that means nothing. If only I could find someone that it does mean something to... I just need a human to appeal to. Then I can stop feeling this bitterness and loneliness.

It was never my goal to find an American and marry him so that I could live in the USA. My goal was to find a man that loves and respects me, and could take me to the temple to be sealed to me eternally. The man I found just happened to be an American, and we decided together to live in the States to be there to support his family and young siblings. The choice wasn't some sort of conspiracy or lifelong dream of mine. Canada or America makes no difference to me, as long as I'm with my husband and we can be together as our little family begins to expand.

I don't like this independence. I feel incomplete without my husband, and life seems unfulfilling without him. I love my own family and yes, it will be hard to leave them. But home is where my heart is, and my husband has that part of me...

The Pregos

Since my sister-in-law is like 38 weeks pregnant and pretty much ready to pop at any moment, we thought we should take a picture of the two of us pregos together. I'm at 32 weeks. Pretty sure my little brother is gonna freak out when he sees this. haha...

What To Do When You're Bored

So... I've been really trying hard not to go crazy because I don't really have a structured life right now. Apparently I'm getting desperate because yesterday I felt more up to driving to Calgary and back (six hours total) than sticking around town and trying to figure out something here. I didn't ask anyone to come with me, because I kinda just decided to go on a whim. Plus I don't really feel like I have a social group anymore that I can just call on to do things with whenever I want, which is also a contributing factor to my desperation to keep entertained and sane... But I'm trying to not let that get me down, so I choose to do things on my own and just be content with that for now. I think just being around other people helps me feel normal, whereas holing myself up at home is really depressing.

I realize that driving six hours by myself isn't exactly being around other people, but for me, as long as I'm in the presence of others, it makes me feel less alone. So even other cars driving around me has a certain comforting factor.

I was on the road by 1:30ish in the afternoon. I decided that since I was in no rush, that I'd just cruise at the speed limit, so then I could just enjoy the drive and not have to worry about getting pulled over at all. It was rather enjoyable actually.

I stopped in Red Deer and got some donuts to bring back for my family. They like pastries. Well... So do I, so the whole getting donuts thing was a win win situation. I only had one though on the whole drive, so I was pretty proud of my self restraint. haha. Also, because I'm pregnant, I had to go to the bathroom and this was on the inside of the bathroom stall...

It made me smile. It's like anti-graffiti. My husband would appreciate it. He's all about graffiti with uplifting messages.

Once I actually got to Calgary, I wanted to do a bit of exploring, so I could break up the driving a little bit. So I stumbled upon a road that ran along the Bow River (Memorial Drive for those who know Calgary). My goal was to find a park or something that I could walk around, and since there was a bike path along the road I was driving on, I figured that there must be some sort of park near by. When I saw a pedestrian bridge that went over top of the road, I decided to check it out in hopes it would lead somewhere cool. And boy did it ever. I was already impressed with the bridge itself, because it went over the river too. There was a raft rental place nearby so while I was on the bridge, I watched people float down the river. But with all the rain that's been happening lately, the water levels are way high, and the river was flowing pretty dang fast. Those rafters were brave. I wouldn't wanna go down that river going that fast... but I'm just not a thrill seeking type person... at least when there's nothing to ensure my safety. At any rate, it was fun to watch them floating by.

Those pictures are facing into the sun. The pictures facing away from the sun didn't turn out so dark. It was a really sunny day, and very green. It was beautiful.

See?? Pretty!!

So as I continued walking down the bridge, lo and behold, there was a park!! A really nice one! There were people playing frisbee, running, chasing after their kids, it was awesome. I saw a fountain in the distance, so I went to go check it out.

Once I got up to the fountain, I noticed how gross the water actually was but there were a lot of geese swimming around in it. Perfect for attracting the attention of kids. I laughed at this little boy who kept on trying to scare the geese and make them fly away.

The geese were really popular with the kids.

Then there was another bridge with another pretty view.

On the other side of THAT bridge was an actual kiddy pool that wasn't full of gross water. You could tell because of the smell of chlorine in the air. haha. My favorite part was when these parents let their fully clothed one year old son put his feet in the water... then the kid tripped and was soaking wet from top to bottom. The poor kid didn't know how to react! He just stayed there in the water with this look of complete shock in his face until his parents rushed to his rescue. hahaha. Things to look forward to.

By this time I realized I was downtown and there were tons of restaurants around. It's quite the little community there. It's very hipster, complete with a Whole Foods cafe. haha. But my favorite restaurant that I saw was this...

It made me giggle...

I was thoroughly impressed with everything I saw, so I kept walking around for a little bit to soak it all in, and then decided it was time to head back.

On the way, I saw a bride and groom walking around with their photographer, and I couldn't help but wonder if the couple were LDS because of the sleeves on her dress. Who else has sleeves on their wedding dresses in the summer??

I also saw this stairway of death and thought that my husband would appreciate that too, since he likes things that normal people shouldn't.

As I was walking back to my car, there was this adorable couple walking in front of me and I was a creeper and took a picture of them from behind. They're holding hands!!!

Again... Things to look forward too.

After making my obligatory stop at Peter's for my banana oreo milkshake and cheeseburger, the rest of the drive back to Edmonton was totally uneventful. I just plugged in my iPod and sang along to my music. haha. 

All in all, it ended up being a really good day. A whole lot better than it would have turned out if I had stayed home. And my Dad was quite pleased with the donuts. haha.