Remembering Why

Recently my heart has been weighed down as I struggle to come to terms with the ways people choose to use their agency. This morning I read a particularly upsetting blog post a friend wrote and it just left me feeling... icky. I read it with the hopes of having a greater understanding of that person's choices, but instead it left me upset because of their misguided conclusions and distorted versions of Gospel truth.

 I recognize the right of each individual to choose their path in life. I don't want that to be misunderstood. It just hurts my heart to see someone take something so precious and marvelous as the Gospel of Jesus Christ and the Atonement and treat it as if it is so insignificant. I know I can't change those people, and I don't feel as if I try. It is simply counter productive to try for force and logic someone into thinking another way. All I can do is bear testimony of what I know and hope that the Spirit bears the truth of it to their heart. I learned quickly on my mission that arguing about gospel topics gets you nowhere.

In an attempt to rid myself of this icky feeling, I went to lds.org to find something uplifting. I stumbled upon a page that gave me a bit more clarity and helped me sort out my own thoughts.

Remembering Why

“While understanding the ‘what’ and the ‘how’ of the gospel is necessary, the eternal fire and majesty of the gospel springs from the ‘why,’” President Dieter F. Uchtdorf of the First Presidency said.

“When we understand why our Heavenly Father has given us this pattern for living, when we remember why we committed to making it a foundational part of our lives, the gospel ceases to become a burden and, instead, becomes a joy and a delight. It becomes precious and sweet.”

This is why my heart hurts so bad to see others make decisions that lead them away from the the Gospel and away from Jesus Christ.

The WHY is what drives me. It isn't my callings (because if it was believe me, right now I'd be finding every excuse in the book to not go), it isn't how things are run, and it isn't even because of the Church leaders that keeps me coming back to Church.

I taught my Primary class full of 5 year olds a lesson yesterday about how they are all sheep in Jesus' fold. It was an abnormally successful lesson and I feel as if the point of the lesson actually came across to them. They understood that Christ cares about each of them as well as the other kids who weren't there that day. They left excited to show their parents the picture of the lamb they were each given with their name written on it and that they were a sheep in Jesus' fold.

No wonder why the scriptures say to have faith like a little child. 

I wish I had all the answers and that magically the people in the Church would stop being dumb and letting the 'what' and the 'how' of the Gospel dictate their feelings of it's truth, but I know that's not possible for me alone to do. Good thing we have living Prophets and Apostles to get the message out to the masses. Really... The solution is for each member to REMEMBER THE WHY of the Gospel, just like President Uchtdorf said.

I know that Christ is my Savior and I know that peace comes through Him. I am not perfect, but I know that Christ understands that and loves me still. I know that His Church is restored today and lead by a Prophet and Apostles whom He called. As we listen to them, we are hearing the words Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ want us to hear. We are given responsibilities in the Church to learn and grow. The Atonement is real. Christ suffered more than anyone can comprehend. Because of that I know that He understands how I feel in any situation. As I pray and ask for help with faith, it is given to me and my burdens are lightened. I don't know how it works. I just know it does. We are all children of a loving Heavenly Father and He wants us to return home to him one day. He has given us the tools to do so. The Gospel and the Church provides a way for me to be with my family forever. I want that and I will do all I can in my life to make sure I qualify for it. Everybody has that same opportunity so I am no better than anyone else. I want to teach my son to love the Savior. I will bear my testimony to him and show him by example how eternally important the Gospel is. I know it is true with all my heart.

Gross. Gross. AAAAND Gross.

Yes the pictures are blurry, but I was waaaaay too grossed out to stand still. 

Warren ate a ladybug. SERIOUSLY?! UUUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!! I guess Ray was sitting outside with him and showed him a ladybug and it crawled on Warren's hand, he checked it out and it went right into his mouth. Then Ray brought him to me and I could see that he was chewing on something so I asked what it was and all Ray said was "Don't worry about it"... Hmmm... I tried fishing whatever it was out. 

BAD IDEA!!! 

All of the sudden I see the shell of the ladybug in his mouth and I run out of the room and scream at Ray to get it out. Looking back on it, it really is funny. Still gross though.

Let the adventures of raising a boy begin...

Pre-Birthday Surprise

It was my birthday on Sunday. 26 years old. I totally remember when my big brother turned 26 and I hassled him so much because he was officially closer to 30 than he was to 20. Now I'm there, but I'm determined to age gracefully. So yes. I'm 26 but I'm proud of it. I've got a handsome husband and a wonderful son to show for it. 

The day before my birthday Ray wanted to ride his bike down Pikes Peak here in Colorado Springs. For my fellow Canadian and non-Coloradans(???) Pikes Peak is a 14000 ft high mountain that has a road and a railway built up to the top of it.

We started our venture up this windy road and it was BEAUTIFUL!!! I felt like we were at eye level with the clouds in the distance. Side note... The clouds in Colorado are incredible. I've never seen anything like them and I love it.

Once we reached around 11000 ft, we hit the tree line and the landscape totally changed. It looked like we were on the moon! Then... I kinda went picture crazy...

At the top of Pikes Peak there's a monument built. Apparently the woman who wrote "America the Beautiful" was so inspired by the view up there that she wrote the song on the spot. I told Ray to pose in front of the monument. I guess this is his version of posing. haha! It's kind of awesome.

Then it was my turn. This is me trying to be Patriotic... ???

Have I mentioned how beautiful the clouds are???

On our way back down, I wanted to make my mark on the mountain. So I wrote 143 in the 14000 ft high snow.

Little did I know that this was the only the BEGINNING of the fun...

Before cleaning up

Remember how the whole point of this adventure was so that Ray could ride a mountain bike all the way down Pikes Peak??? Well. Obviously that didn't turn out so well.

Ray borrowed a friend's super high end mountain bike. It had shocks in places I didn't know you COULD put shocks! Well I dropped him off at the bike trail as we headed back down the mountain and we parted ways. It took a good 45 minutes for me to drive back down, and another 15 minutes before I had cell phone reception. Right at that point, my phone buzzed and there was a voicemail... from Ray...... *insert dread here*. I listened to it but it was super choppy and all I could get out of it was "come pick me up". *insert panic here* I turned around ASAP and made my was back up the scary, windy road... The whole hour long ride back I was driving more agressive than I thought I was capable of and I was thinking awful thoughts of what situation I would find him in or even IF I would find him. Thank goodness Warren was asleep. My head was exploding with panic already...

I FINALLY got to where I dropped him off and a car coming towards me stopped and Ray stepped out of it. He was covered in dirt and his face looked swollen. I'm not sure if I felt more relief that he wasn't stranded on the side of the mountain or if I felt more dread because he looked so awful.

Then he pulled the bike out of the back of this car... in two pieces... I was so confused. And by this time Warren had woken up and he was hungry! The explanation had to wait.

So after what seemed like hours, Ray finally told me what happened.

Turns out this super high end bike fell apart. Literally fell apart. Ray was about 10 minutes down the trail and was preparing to go over a tiny little jump and the next thing he knew he was face down on the ground, spitting out dirt. He said once he realized where he was, the first thing he did was try to call me, and miraculously he had reception and could get a call through to me. He sat there for a while to try to gather himself and eventually got around to figuring out what happened. The shock on the front wheel came apart completely. So I guess when he went over that tiny bump, the front tire came off the bike with half of the shock still attached and he landed on the fork that was supposed to have the wheel attached to it. (Make sense?? We were both in too much of a daze to think of taking a picture of it.) He was thrown face first into the ground. He ended up carrying the two pieces of the bike back up to where he started and a couple people gave him water while he rested and then another couple offered to drive him back down to the bottom. That's when I met up with him. It was just 30 seconds after he got in the car with those nice people who were gonna drive him down the mountain. Here I was thinking that he'd be waiting and waiting and waiting, but things actually ended up working out perfectly. The picture below is of where the bike landed.

He was pretty shook up and not in good shape at all so I took him to the ER where we spent 5 hours since we were trumped by the helicopter trauma that arrived when we were there. He got a CT scan and was cleared. Just a minor concussion. His helmet pretty much saved him, which has enforced (yes ENFORCED, not REinforced) the importance of helmets to him (WOOT!!!).

Despite how much this whole thing sucked, the blessings COMPLETELY outweigh how bad this was.

A) RAY COULD HAVE DIED!!!!! It's a 2-3 hour bike ride and had he not gone over that TINY jump 10 minutes into the ride, it would have happened at some point further down that trail and that would have been bad bad BAD news.

B) Against my better judgement, he went alone. I justified it because he's really smart and even though he does risky things, he's not stupid. Lesson learned for both of us! DO NOT GO ALONE ON BIG BIG RIDES!!!!

C) Ray was given a Priesthood blessing after all the excitement of the day which said that if he had prayed before he started, Heavenly Father would have let him know not to go and Ray would have listened. Nothing like a good ol scolding from God to put you in your place...

D) It's been less than a week and Ray's face is pretty much all healed up. I think that was an abnormally quick recovery.

But the part that I should be most surprised about but I'm not at all surprised about is...

                      Ray still wants to ride down the trail.

I guess it didn't phase him. Boys will be boys. And I like my boys ALIVE.

After the clean up

The healing process

9 Months?!

Yesterday was Warren's 9 month mark! It's crazy to think that he has officially been out of the womb longer than he was in now. haha. He's growing so fast!

This is what he's up to these days.

- He's still trying to figure out crawling. Right now he gets on his tummy and lifts himself up to a plank pose. Haha. He's starting to figure out that he can put his knees down but he doesn't know what to do from there. It's kind of hilarious.

- In lieu of crawling, he rolls. He's a pro at it. It takes him from A to B, even though sometimes B ends up with him stuck under the coffee table. hahaha... So I have to keep him contained every once and a while.

- He's able to stand up while holding on to furniture. He can't pull himself up past his knees yet, so I still have to help him. The look of satisfaction on his face is priceless when he's up on his feet.

- When he's sitting on the ground and I sit in front of him, he grabs my hands and stands up. I'm not sure why holding onto my hands makes it easier for him because I make sure not to move them so that he's doing all the work to stand up. Weird kid... Anyways. Once he stands he looks all proud of himself and then sits back down... then pulls himself up again. It keeps him occupied for a good 10 minutes or so!

- I've discovered that he HATES grass. In the picture he didn't realize he was sitting in grass because his legs were covered. If we sit him down in the grass while he's wearing shorts, he lifts one leg up and instantly starts crying. Does it make me a bad parent that I put in down in the grass just for kicks and giggles??...

- He loves squishing things in his hands, namely, bananas. It's kind of ridiculous and very messy. I'll sit him in his high chair and give him chunks of banana to eat, he'll probably eat one piece and then he squishes the rest and spreads it everywhere, himself included. Bananas usually mean bath time. haha..

 - He's figuring out how loud he can get and he tends to choose the most public and echo-prone venues.

- Two teeth have sprouted! That has prompted a new found obsession with his tongue. It is ALWAYS sticking out.

 

- He definitely prefers women over men. He'll flirt all day long with women. Smiles. Giggles. Big flirty eyes. It's shameless! (see below for an example) Put a man in front of him and he just stares. A blank, awkward stare.

- Ray has also come up with a new way to travel with Warren. He's on his longboard, pushing the stroller, and I follow along on my bike. It's kind of perfect!

- We love the park too. Warren's favorite is the swing! He is his mother's child. haha..

Basically my little man is amazing and I love seeing him grow and discover his personality. I love being a Mom!!!

More Than Just Recognize

I would be lying if I said I've been Positive Polly these last few months. I know with all the immigration trials I've had to deal with, it's made me a lot less patient with other things that don't pan out smoothly. Well I decided that I need to actively try to change my outlook on life. Recently I've embraced technology  to help me keep on top of scripture study and I'm already noticing the blessings that have come from it.

Thanks to the handy dandy Mormon Channel App and my smartphone, I've started listening to the scriptures. I made a choice to listen to it every morning (no exceptions) while I get ready for the day and it actually works out pretty well. So each morning I shower, then I've got at least a half an hour to listen while I do my make up and hair. I usually end up listening longer though because I feed Warren after I'm done getting ready. Listening to the scriptures is a lot less distracting for him while he eats as opposed to turning on the TV.

It has been a really wonderful experience so far. I'm proud of myself for making the decision to do it and that I'm sticking to it, and I also love that the insights that I've had in the past flood back to me. This last week I've gone through 1st and 2nd Nephi. I think what I'm going to do is go through the whole Book of Mormon to refresh my memory, then the next time I go through it I'll have a little sticky notes and a pen to keep track of my new insights, then transfer them to my scriptures.

One of the things that I've been thinking a lot about lately as a result of my new routine is how to make sure I stay positive despite my trials. It dawned on me that even though I've been having a terrible time with getting my green card, my washing machine, dishwasher, hair straightener, computer, new waterproof camera, etc., have all broken down at pretty much the same time, they've all been able to be fixed or replaced for free (with the exception of my computer but it was fixed for an affordable-ish price). I hoped that because I realized that was the pattern, that things would finally stop breaking down. I was telling a family friend about this last night and he told me that recognizing these things isn't enough. Now I have to work on being more grateful for the blessing of things being fixed than I am annoyed that it had to happen in the first place. Not quite there yet, but I'm working on it.

My testimony of the scriptures is growing more each day, and I'm finding more peace too. I even find myself going on walks with Warren and instead of listening to music, I'll listen to Conference talks and gospel discussions. The scriptures are increasing my desire for spiritual nourishment. This is helping to put me in a better place. I know I have a lot of improvement to do, but at least I know I'm on the right path.