Things thankfully have calmed down since I last posted. I came up with my own solutions to cut down on the drama, and I am beyond grateful it worked. Now I'm just trying to focus on things that make me happy and trying to stay active so that I at least have some strength. But I've noticed that the more I try to do things, the more I realize that I'm not necessarily as capable as I used to be, which is to be expected. What I didn't expect was that my limitations would place me in the same categories as old ladies. Case in point. I went "running" a few weeks ago. By running I mean I went to a track and walked around it a bunch of times. I felt silly though because I was getting passed by all these people who are my age, and they're huffing and puffing, while I'm leisurely strolling along. It wasn't until an old lady with the typical old lady white-haired perm started walking around the track too that I felt semi-okay with my own performance. I didn't feel as ridiculous being the only one walking, but I still kinda felt silly for doing the same thing as the lady. At that point, I didn't even look prego. I'm sure had I been showing more then, I wouldn't have felt as silly because then the reason for my walking would have been more obvious. I'm showing now though, so when I go back to do it again, I'll prolly have more confidence with the whole ordeal. haha.
Other things that I've noticed which show how I'm inseparably connected with seniors is parking lots. There's the Handicapped parking stalls, the Senior parking stalls and there's Expectant Mothers parking stalls. I still haven't used one. I haven't felt the need to yet, but I'm sure it'll happen soon.
I've also found myself going to malls during the middle of the day just to go for a walk. There's a significant influx of seniors in malls during the day, and they seem to all disappear in the late afternoon and evening. I'm following the same trend... avoiding large crowds and noisy places.
Also, I've recently discovered the art of aquajogging! It's exactly what it sounds like it is. It requires a floaty belt, so you just go in the water and start... well... jogging! haha. The floaty belt keeps your head above water, so you just have to figure out how to move forward. Going with a friend makes it even better because then you can just do it side by side and have a conversation while you're doing your thing. Aquajogging is mostly geared towards old people because it's a completely non-impact workout and doesn't strain your body or make you move in ways you don't normally move. For me, it's perfect, because I can't really swim laps anymore because my body won't let me. I also LOVE being in water, so this helps me to be able to do more than just sit in the kiddie pool and watch other people do their thing. I've also decided that I need to take my Grandma Olive aquajogging. She has terrible rheumatoid arthritis, and complains about how her feet hurt all the time because of these nodules that have formed on the bottoms of her feet so she always feels like she's walking on big ol' pebbles. In her prime, she used to spend all day at malls in high heels, and her job was working in the Operating Room as an assistant, so her life has been on her feet. Not being able to do that anymore is hard for her to take. My thought with the aquajogging thing is that she'd totally be able to do that for way longer than she could ever walk, and it would help her feel more fulfilled. My task lately has been trying to find a pool that's easily accessible for her. I may have done so, and I'm excited to bring her with me one day soon.
I can't really say I'm embarrassed by all this though. I've loved seniors ever since my mission. My last job was working at a Denture Clinic, so clearly old people were a part of my daily life until just a few months ago. It's only appropriate that my lifestyle now is basically the same as them.
Being well enough to leave the house now is such a ridiculously amazing thing. I've seriously taken my past freedom and mobility for granted. I still have to try to remember that I'm not as agile as I used to be though. I've found that I get really lightheaded sometimes and it puts me at the brink of fainting, so I have to be super careful when I'm out walking around. Just today, I was getting some food and waiting in line to pay, but things started getting fuzzy and I knew that I'd conk out on the ground if I didn't sit down ASAP. So I left my tray of food that I still had to pay for there in the line, and I went to a table and sat down and put my head on the table. It was a close call, and I definitely got some weird looks, but the cashier asked me if I was pregnant when I came back, and she was really nice and understanding. haha. I'm scared that one day I'll have the same experience as my mom did. When she was pregnant with my big brother, she was standing in line at a bank and she fainted, landing on the dividing ropes and taking them down with her. She woke up to a whole bunch of strangers hovering over her... haha... It's definitely an experience I have no desire to recreate. Here's hoping.
The adventures of pregnancy have definitely started now that I'm not bedridden. All of this stuff makes me marvel that the human race has even made it this far. haha...
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Saturday, March 26, 2011
I Hope For Trust
This morning I experienced a rather unpleasant event in which my sanity and ability to make rational choices was questioned. I must admit, it hurt. I've spent my life being proud that I'm an independent person, capable of making big decisions on my own, and dealing with the good and bad consequences maturely. It's something that others who are closest to me have taken pride in knowing they taught me to be that way.
This last year or so, I feel like I've maintained that independence and worked hard to get what I wanted, understanding fully that there would be unpleasant consequences and really amazing ones too. I haven't in any way tried to avoid or skip those consequences. However, it seems as though my decisions the past year have left those who were once so proud of my independence wondering if I've lost my mind. I truly feel like I've been true to myself all along. Up until this point, I wasn't ever presented with an opportunity, or came into a situation that had the potential be so drastically and permanently life-changing. Now I'm preparing to leave the place that three generations of my family have spent building their foundation in and because of it, my independence is being misconceived as insanity and irrationality.
There are specific reasons I've decided to do things the way I have, and it's all been because of my love for my family and desire for them to get to know the man I'm spending the rest of forever with. I hope one day they will see that and realize I wasn't just being impatient and impulsive. The result of my choice was that he could spend nine months here building relationships with my family so that they trusted him to take care of me in the future. Any other way we could have gone about getting married would have not allowed for that opportunity, and I would have just left my home to be with (as far as my family was concerned) a stranger for the rest of my life. That wasn't an option for me, so I found a way to make it work.
My greatest desire is to be trusted that I'm following something that I really feel in my heart is right. I understand that it's hurting my family to leave, and I understand that it's going to be a huge challenge for me to move to a whole new country and begin raising a family. I know it will be hard, but I know that I'll be blessed. I'm not naive in thinking that everything will just come easily and that my faith will eliminate obstacles. I expect obstacles, but like I've always believed, Heavenly Father will pull me through, just like He always has. That doesn't diminish my responsibility to do all I'm capable of to adjust and do whatever else is required of me, but I also know that I'm not expected to do it all by myself. If I can't get the full support of my loved ones, then at least I know I have the support of my God. As much as it hurts to know my family thinks I'm living irresponsibly, I really have to try my hardest to be strong and remember that I still have support of my friends and Heavenly Father.
I may not have the rest of my life planned out in stone, but that doesn't make me irresponsible and that doesn't make me crazy. My life is my own to live and I'm living it right for me. I recently listened to a talk given by a General Authority at BYU. His whole talk was about a painting he saw in an Institute Building of a ship in a harbor. He talked about how all ships are safe in their harbor, but when they're there, they aren't being used for their purpose. He related that to our lives by saying that we all reach times in our life where we're comfortable and the thought of change is daunting and so you stay where you are because it's easier. But he asks what opportunities for growth are we missing out on because of our unwillingness to leave our safe harbor. Well I'm preparing to leave my safe harbor, and it will be a difficult journey, but I'll find my way and I'll find my place in a new harbor. I'll be a better person because of it, and I will have come a little closer to reaching my potential.
All the decisions I'm making with my husband are because we've discussed them and decided that's the best way for us. If someone else sees that decision as unwise, then so be it, but that doesn't mean I've lost my ability to think straight. It means that I'm working together with my husband for the benefit of our family. I may do things differently than my family who raised me, but they raised me right. I'm just not choosing the life they assumed I would, but the life I'm choosing to live is still in accordance with the principles they've taught me. I hope that someday they'll trust Ray and I. I hope they'll see that we're wise, that we're not selfish, that we're responsible, and that we take care of ourselves.
This last year or so, I feel like I've maintained that independence and worked hard to get what I wanted, understanding fully that there would be unpleasant consequences and really amazing ones too. I haven't in any way tried to avoid or skip those consequences. However, it seems as though my decisions the past year have left those who were once so proud of my independence wondering if I've lost my mind. I truly feel like I've been true to myself all along. Up until this point, I wasn't ever presented with an opportunity, or came into a situation that had the potential be so drastically and permanently life-changing. Now I'm preparing to leave the place that three generations of my family have spent building their foundation in and because of it, my independence is being misconceived as insanity and irrationality.
There are specific reasons I've decided to do things the way I have, and it's all been because of my love for my family and desire for them to get to know the man I'm spending the rest of forever with. I hope one day they will see that and realize I wasn't just being impatient and impulsive. The result of my choice was that he could spend nine months here building relationships with my family so that they trusted him to take care of me in the future. Any other way we could have gone about getting married would have not allowed for that opportunity, and I would have just left my home to be with (as far as my family was concerned) a stranger for the rest of my life. That wasn't an option for me, so I found a way to make it work.
My greatest desire is to be trusted that I'm following something that I really feel in my heart is right. I understand that it's hurting my family to leave, and I understand that it's going to be a huge challenge for me to move to a whole new country and begin raising a family. I know it will be hard, but I know that I'll be blessed. I'm not naive in thinking that everything will just come easily and that my faith will eliminate obstacles. I expect obstacles, but like I've always believed, Heavenly Father will pull me through, just like He always has. That doesn't diminish my responsibility to do all I'm capable of to adjust and do whatever else is required of me, but I also know that I'm not expected to do it all by myself. If I can't get the full support of my loved ones, then at least I know I have the support of my God. As much as it hurts to know my family thinks I'm living irresponsibly, I really have to try my hardest to be strong and remember that I still have support of my friends and Heavenly Father.
I may not have the rest of my life planned out in stone, but that doesn't make me irresponsible and that doesn't make me crazy. My life is my own to live and I'm living it right for me. I recently listened to a talk given by a General Authority at BYU. His whole talk was about a painting he saw in an Institute Building of a ship in a harbor. He talked about how all ships are safe in their harbor, but when they're there, they aren't being used for their purpose. He related that to our lives by saying that we all reach times in our life where we're comfortable and the thought of change is daunting and so you stay where you are because it's easier. But he asks what opportunities for growth are we missing out on because of our unwillingness to leave our safe harbor. Well I'm preparing to leave my safe harbor, and it will be a difficult journey, but I'll find my way and I'll find my place in a new harbor. I'll be a better person because of it, and I will have come a little closer to reaching my potential.
All the decisions I'm making with my husband are because we've discussed them and decided that's the best way for us. If someone else sees that decision as unwise, then so be it, but that doesn't mean I've lost my ability to think straight. It means that I'm working together with my husband for the benefit of our family. I may do things differently than my family who raised me, but they raised me right. I'm just not choosing the life they assumed I would, but the life I'm choosing to live is still in accordance with the principles they've taught me. I hope that someday they'll trust Ray and I. I hope they'll see that we're wise, that we're not selfish, that we're responsible, and that we take care of ourselves.
Monday, March 7, 2011
Spiritual Edification and Social Interaction
Being cooped up all alone in my parents basement is definitely not the ideal situation. Thankfully though, my body has begun to cooperate with me enough in the past few days that I have the strength (and courage) to venture out into the real world. Today I woke up at a human hour, I got out of bed, and I actually got ready to leave the house to go to Church. I even was able to put on make up! This is a huge deal for me. I haven't worn make up for like a month. I must say, having a little vanity actually felt kinda good. That kinda sounds wrong, considering I was getting ready to go to Church... haha...
I left with my mom, and I was able to wear my high heel boots, which was definitely all for the looks and nothing at all to do with practicality. I had to brace myself by holding my hand up to the wall when I walked around the Church building, but I looked good while I did it.. haha..
It hadn't occurred to me until I got to Church that I haven't been well enough to attend since Ray left. then I realized how it sucks to not be at Church with my husband. I decided to try not to dwell on that though, and take what I have now, and try to make the most out of it. After all, I was actually at Church. I was able to take the Sacrament. I was able to feel a spiritual peace that can only come from being in a building dedicated to the worship of Christ.
My Dad is part of the Bishopric, and he was conducting the meeting today, so he was able to bear his testimony. It's a great blessing to hear my Dad speak of things that are so dear to him. I don't really get that opportunity very often. He spoke of a missionary experience he had at work, when a woman asked him about his family and where all of his kids were, and of course my little brother serving a mission in Utah was mentioned. So that opened the floodgate of questions, and gave my Dad opportunity to bear a simple testimony to her that he knew of the truthfulness of the gospel. She kinda blindsided him though by saying "Nah. I don't see it." in response to his testimony, and I can just picture my Dad totally at a loss for what to say next. It kinda made me chuckle a little bit, because it reminded me of my own experiences that I had on my mission when I experienced the same kind of thing. Then what do you know, my Dad said how he feels like he finally got a taste of what it's like for all the missionaries every single day. I looked over at the Elders who were there, and they had big grins on their faces, so I could see that they were entertained by my Dad's experience too. haha. My Dad concluded though by saying that he wasn't discouraged. It didn't hurt him or the woman for him to bear his testimony to her, so it won't stop him from doing it in the future when another opportunity arises. Hearing my Dad speak like that makes me way proud of him, and way proud to be his daughter. The rest of the meeting was followed by several people coming to the stand to bear their testimony, and also to reassure Dad that his words weren't wasted. They said that his words are just a building block, and that one day that woman will catch on. It was so nice. I was really touched.
Sunday School, we talked about Prophets of God, and the teacher asked us to share experiences that we've had that have helped us know that our Prophet today is really called of God. It was good for me to be able to reflect on my own testimony, and reminded me of significant spiritual events in my own life that have shaped my testimony.
I pushed myself to stay for Relief Society, but I could feel my body was just spent, so it was harder to focus on the spirit of the lesson, which was on preparing to go to the temple. I was just glad to be in the presence of others. It's the Ward I grew up in, so I was surrounded by familiar faces. Many of the women there were my teachers growing up, and I remember them being pregnant with their first children, and now those kids are at the tail end of Primary, and here I am having my own first child. It's crazy how things come full circle like that.
Lots of people there knew I was pregnant. I dunno how... I'm sure it has something to do with the fact that I've been absent from Church, but I just thought people didn't know that I was in the Ward again. I guess that's kind of naive of me to think. I'm sure my parents get asked about me, and it must have come up that I'm living with them again because I'm sick, and either they were told I'm expecting or they just figured it out on their own. In either case, it doesn't really matter. I'm 14 weeks into it now, so it's not like I need to be keeping it super hush hush.
It was just funny how many women came up to me and were all sympathetic with their how ARE you's and everything. I always said I was okay, which isn't a huge stretch of the truth. I'm definitely not 100% but I didn't want a whole Relief Society giving me pity. haha. But whenever I said I was okay, my mom always laughed, and the person asking how I was knew I wasn't actually "okay"... It turns out that most every woman that asked me was sick for the majority of their pregnancies... That didn't really give me much hope... But I appreciated the interaction. I really like being around people.
By far the best pregnancy story someone told me today was Sister Behr. She has 4 kids, and she told me that she was sick sick sick for the whole time with the first three. When she was expecting her third, this woman in her Ward, who Sister Behr considered a fanatic naturopath, kept bugging her that she needed to be taking B6 vitamins with a B complex and told her over and over again that if she did that she wouldn't be sick. Since Sister Behr considered her to be a fanatic, she totally ignored her and suffered through that third pregnancy. When it came time for her fourth pregnancy, she said she couldn't get it out of her mind what this fanatical woman in her Ward had told her, so she decided to try it since she had nothing to lose. She said that her fourth pregnancy was a dream. She wasn't sick at all, to the point she doubted that she was actually pregnant even though it was evident that she actually was. She said the birth was a breeze, and she was ready to shower 15 minutes after giving birth, and she credits those vitamins that this fanatic kept telling her to take. So one day that woman came up to Sister Behr and told her "See?? It's only considered fanatical if it doesn't work." haha. Awesome. I guess I'm too far along for it to really make a difference to me now though. She just told me all this so that I don't give up on having more kids. She said in order for it to really work, you need to be taking the vitamins well before you even get pregnant. At least I know for the future. I don't know how I'd go through another pregnancy like this especially when I have another kid to look after already. Yeesh.
So yes. Spiritually and socially, today was great. To top it off, I was able to have a Sunday nap, watch the 25th anniversary presentation of Les Miserables on TV complete with one of the Jonas Brothers as a member of the cast (haha), and I had an awesome conversation with Ray tonight. We were able to laugh with each other and look forward to the time when we get to be together again. Today just gave me hope that everything will actually come together in the end. I really do look forward to the future. It scares the snot out of me, but I know that I'll have Ray there to pull me through it.
I'm seriously blessed.
I left with my mom, and I was able to wear my high heel boots, which was definitely all for the looks and nothing at all to do with practicality. I had to brace myself by holding my hand up to the wall when I walked around the Church building, but I looked good while I did it.. haha..
It hadn't occurred to me until I got to Church that I haven't been well enough to attend since Ray left. then I realized how it sucks to not be at Church with my husband. I decided to try not to dwell on that though, and take what I have now, and try to make the most out of it. After all, I was actually at Church. I was able to take the Sacrament. I was able to feel a spiritual peace that can only come from being in a building dedicated to the worship of Christ.
My Dad is part of the Bishopric, and he was conducting the meeting today, so he was able to bear his testimony. It's a great blessing to hear my Dad speak of things that are so dear to him. I don't really get that opportunity very often. He spoke of a missionary experience he had at work, when a woman asked him about his family and where all of his kids were, and of course my little brother serving a mission in Utah was mentioned. So that opened the floodgate of questions, and gave my Dad opportunity to bear a simple testimony to her that he knew of the truthfulness of the gospel. She kinda blindsided him though by saying "Nah. I don't see it." in response to his testimony, and I can just picture my Dad totally at a loss for what to say next. It kinda made me chuckle a little bit, because it reminded me of my own experiences that I had on my mission when I experienced the same kind of thing. Then what do you know, my Dad said how he feels like he finally got a taste of what it's like for all the missionaries every single day. I looked over at the Elders who were there, and they had big grins on their faces, so I could see that they were entertained by my Dad's experience too. haha. My Dad concluded though by saying that he wasn't discouraged. It didn't hurt him or the woman for him to bear his testimony to her, so it won't stop him from doing it in the future when another opportunity arises. Hearing my Dad speak like that makes me way proud of him, and way proud to be his daughter. The rest of the meeting was followed by several people coming to the stand to bear their testimony, and also to reassure Dad that his words weren't wasted. They said that his words are just a building block, and that one day that woman will catch on. It was so nice. I was really touched.
Sunday School, we talked about Prophets of God, and the teacher asked us to share experiences that we've had that have helped us know that our Prophet today is really called of God. It was good for me to be able to reflect on my own testimony, and reminded me of significant spiritual events in my own life that have shaped my testimony.
I pushed myself to stay for Relief Society, but I could feel my body was just spent, so it was harder to focus on the spirit of the lesson, which was on preparing to go to the temple. I was just glad to be in the presence of others. It's the Ward I grew up in, so I was surrounded by familiar faces. Many of the women there were my teachers growing up, and I remember them being pregnant with their first children, and now those kids are at the tail end of Primary, and here I am having my own first child. It's crazy how things come full circle like that.
Lots of people there knew I was pregnant. I dunno how... I'm sure it has something to do with the fact that I've been absent from Church, but I just thought people didn't know that I was in the Ward again. I guess that's kind of naive of me to think. I'm sure my parents get asked about me, and it must have come up that I'm living with them again because I'm sick, and either they were told I'm expecting or they just figured it out on their own. In either case, it doesn't really matter. I'm 14 weeks into it now, so it's not like I need to be keeping it super hush hush.
It was just funny how many women came up to me and were all sympathetic with their how ARE you's and everything. I always said I was okay, which isn't a huge stretch of the truth. I'm definitely not 100% but I didn't want a whole Relief Society giving me pity. haha. But whenever I said I was okay, my mom always laughed, and the person asking how I was knew I wasn't actually "okay"... It turns out that most every woman that asked me was sick for the majority of their pregnancies... That didn't really give me much hope... But I appreciated the interaction. I really like being around people.
By far the best pregnancy story someone told me today was Sister Behr. She has 4 kids, and she told me that she was sick sick sick for the whole time with the first three. When she was expecting her third, this woman in her Ward, who Sister Behr considered a fanatic naturopath, kept bugging her that she needed to be taking B6 vitamins with a B complex and told her over and over again that if she did that she wouldn't be sick. Since Sister Behr considered her to be a fanatic, she totally ignored her and suffered through that third pregnancy. When it came time for her fourth pregnancy, she said she couldn't get it out of her mind what this fanatical woman in her Ward had told her, so she decided to try it since she had nothing to lose. She said that her fourth pregnancy was a dream. She wasn't sick at all, to the point she doubted that she was actually pregnant even though it was evident that she actually was. She said the birth was a breeze, and she was ready to shower 15 minutes after giving birth, and she credits those vitamins that this fanatic kept telling her to take. So one day that woman came up to Sister Behr and told her "See?? It's only considered fanatical if it doesn't work." haha. Awesome. I guess I'm too far along for it to really make a difference to me now though. She just told me all this so that I don't give up on having more kids. She said in order for it to really work, you need to be taking the vitamins well before you even get pregnant. At least I know for the future. I don't know how I'd go through another pregnancy like this especially when I have another kid to look after already. Yeesh.
So yes. Spiritually and socially, today was great. To top it off, I was able to have a Sunday nap, watch the 25th anniversary presentation of Les Miserables on TV complete with one of the Jonas Brothers as a member of the cast (haha), and I had an awesome conversation with Ray tonight. We were able to laugh with each other and look forward to the time when we get to be together again. Today just gave me hope that everything will actually come together in the end. I really do look forward to the future. It scares the snot out of me, but I know that I'll have Ray there to pull me through it.
I'm seriously blessed.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
It's Actually Real?!!!
Okay. So I'm pregnant. That's old news now... Well... Kind of. Only my close family and friends know. I'm afraid to make it "Facebook Official". I guess I'm not ready for that attention yet. Maybe in a few weeks when I actually have a belly I'll mention it to the Facebook world... Kinda sad that's how I base my news going public now. The world we live in...
Anyways... That's not my point. I'm almost at 13 weeks pregnant now. I have to see the Doctor every month, so I just had my second check up this week. This time, my Doctor did two amazing things. First, she doubled my dosage for my anti-nausea medication, and I've felt better these past two days than I have in the past two months. I'm still super weak and can't do much, but I've had a slightly better appetite, so that will hopefully help my body out. I lost 12lbs last month, so any nutrition I get right now is essential.
The second amazing thing my Doctor did made me cry. I got to hear the baby's heart beat. It was crazy! When she found the heart beat, she was like "THAT'S YOUR BABY!!!" and that's when I cried. For the first time since I found out I was pregnant, there was actual proof that something was in there other than throwing up and sickness. I could actually hear it. It's actually in there. My Doctor asked if there was anyone with me that would wanna hear it too, and so I told her that my mom was there, so she went to get her, and when she got the heart beat again, mom started crying too.
That experience seemed to ease my frustrations with how sick I've been. I finally know that something is happening and that I'm not just sick because I'm sick. I'm pregnant! I heard it! And with the double dosage of meds, I'm less sick too, so this is just a win win.
Of course, it was sad to not have Ray there. Going through this without him kinda sucks. I am very grateful to have my mom with me through all this though. I was thinking that if I was pregnant for the first time after I moved to the States, it would have been much much harder to deal with all of these physical struggles without her. So despite not having Ray here, having my mom here is offering me the comfort of having someone who has gone already through this. She seems to be able to anticipate my needs and give me empathy to help me feel like I'm not being weak. I'm pretty sure that this time I have with her while I'm pregnant will carry me through any future pregnancies I may have. My mom has really been my greatest strength as I've struggled through these previous couple months. I love her a lot and I've really cherished the bond that this situation has helped us build.
My next step is to schedule my 18-20 week ultrasound. Since that's in a couple months, hopefully Ray will be able to come here for it. That's when they can find out if it's a boy or girl. To have Ray here for that would be amazing. I don't want him to have to miss out on the entire pregnancy, and he doesn't want that either.
I'm just grateful for the perspective that hearing that little heart beat gave me. I'm gonna be a mom. It's real. Suddenly it's not all about me anymore, and I'm okay with that.
Anyways... That's not my point. I'm almost at 13 weeks pregnant now. I have to see the Doctor every month, so I just had my second check up this week. This time, my Doctor did two amazing things. First, she doubled my dosage for my anti-nausea medication, and I've felt better these past two days than I have in the past two months. I'm still super weak and can't do much, but I've had a slightly better appetite, so that will hopefully help my body out. I lost 12lbs last month, so any nutrition I get right now is essential.
The second amazing thing my Doctor did made me cry. I got to hear the baby's heart beat. It was crazy! When she found the heart beat, she was like "THAT'S YOUR BABY!!!" and that's when I cried. For the first time since I found out I was pregnant, there was actual proof that something was in there other than throwing up and sickness. I could actually hear it. It's actually in there. My Doctor asked if there was anyone with me that would wanna hear it too, and so I told her that my mom was there, so she went to get her, and when she got the heart beat again, mom started crying too.
That experience seemed to ease my frustrations with how sick I've been. I finally know that something is happening and that I'm not just sick because I'm sick. I'm pregnant! I heard it! And with the double dosage of meds, I'm less sick too, so this is just a win win.
Of course, it was sad to not have Ray there. Going through this without him kinda sucks. I am very grateful to have my mom with me through all this though. I was thinking that if I was pregnant for the first time after I moved to the States, it would have been much much harder to deal with all of these physical struggles without her. So despite not having Ray here, having my mom here is offering me the comfort of having someone who has gone already through this. She seems to be able to anticipate my needs and give me empathy to help me feel like I'm not being weak. I'm pretty sure that this time I have with her while I'm pregnant will carry me through any future pregnancies I may have. My mom has really been my greatest strength as I've struggled through these previous couple months. I love her a lot and I've really cherished the bond that this situation has helped us build.
My next step is to schedule my 18-20 week ultrasound. Since that's in a couple months, hopefully Ray will be able to come here for it. That's when they can find out if it's a boy or girl. To have Ray here for that would be amazing. I don't want him to have to miss out on the entire pregnancy, and he doesn't want that either.
I'm just grateful for the perspective that hearing that little heart beat gave me. I'm gonna be a mom. It's real. Suddenly it's not all about me anymore, and I'm okay with that.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Sit and Wait... Story of My Life...
So I dunno if I can say that I've been actively keeping a secret. It's not like I've been witholding information, unwilling to share it... I guess I just expect people to figure it out on their own. It seems to have come to a point though where I think I should start publicly acknowledging it though. People are gonna notice soon. That is, if they haven't already.
I'm pregnant.
Yup. Definitely pregnant. After I started throwing up on a daily basis and lost the ability to work because of constant nausea, I figured it was probably the case. $12.00 and a flush later, it was confirmed. I seem to make rather large, life-altering decisions on what to others would appear to be a whim. It's not until the decision is made and something comes of it that I start to consider that maybe it was a decision made on a whim. So far that lifestyle has worked for me though. I don't know why I choose to put myself through life like this, but I do. Like I said. It works for me. That being said, I'm actually reminding myself that things will be okay, and to take a chill pill.
Yes. Things will be okay, but considering the circumstances I reserve every right to freak out about this. Why?
A) Ray is in Colorado... like for good. He's setting up life there so that when all this ridiculous (and expensive) green card stuff comes through, I'll have somewhere settled to go home to.
B) I have NO idea when I'm gonna see him again.
C) I had to move back in with my parents because I've been too sick to be able to do anything independently.
D) THERE'S A FREAKING BABY GROWING INSIDE OF ME!!!!!! I am responsible to raise this child so that he/she turns out to be a good person! Suddenly it doesn't seem like it's so easy...
E) For the first time in my adult life, I have to rely on someone other than myself for my own security. That's the hardest thing out of all this.
So while I sit at home all day, unable to do anything except watch TV and try to find something new and interesting online, I have to wait (again, for an undisclosed period of time) to hear good news about an apartment and a job for Ray in Colorado. I trust him that he'll be able to get it all put together eventually, but he does things soooo differently from me that it freaks me out and makes waiting agonizing. Trying to find the balance between giving advice and telling him what to do and how to do it and still showing him respect as the leader of our family is something I'm still trying to figure out how to do. I must say though, Ray is a lot more open to hearing me out than he used to be. That makes things easier. Marriage is hard, but we're definitely both trying... even if we are thousands of miles apart right now. (That came out way more over-dramatically than I wanted it to.)
I guess I try to remember that in the long run, this freak out and uncertainty is temporary. However, that thought doesn't always offer the comfort I need because it still seems intangible. In my head I know I'm pregnant but I don't feel pregnant, so when mom tells me that this sickness will end and I'll have a beautiful little baby in my arms, I still kind of don't believe her... I'm still stupid sick and it still sucks and it's still hard to not be angry about being incapacitated right now. And in my head I know that Ray will get everything with a job and an apartment figured out, but for now I see that he's been gone a month and has made small progresses, but there's still not a job or an apartment and it's hard not to think that if it were up to me, I'd have already figured it all out by now. That's definitely not respectful of me to have that thought and that's exactly what I mean when I say I'm still trying to find balance and also learn to rely on someone else for my own security. Ugh.
Looks like I've just gotta keep doing what I've been doing. Sitting and waiting for things to come together, because they always have in the past, so they must continue to do so in the future. For now, I'm in control of how much love I show my husband and I know that will have a huge positive effect on him. Maybe I should focus more on that. I definitely know I love him. I really do need to take a chill pill...
I'm pregnant.
Yup. Definitely pregnant. After I started throwing up on a daily basis and lost the ability to work because of constant nausea, I figured it was probably the case. $12.00 and a flush later, it was confirmed. I seem to make rather large, life-altering decisions on what to others would appear to be a whim. It's not until the decision is made and something comes of it that I start to consider that maybe it was a decision made on a whim. So far that lifestyle has worked for me though. I don't know why I choose to put myself through life like this, but I do. Like I said. It works for me. That being said, I'm actually reminding myself that things will be okay, and to take a chill pill.
Yes. Things will be okay, but considering the circumstances I reserve every right to freak out about this. Why?
A) Ray is in Colorado... like for good. He's setting up life there so that when all this ridiculous (and expensive) green card stuff comes through, I'll have somewhere settled to go home to.
B) I have NO idea when I'm gonna see him again.
C) I had to move back in with my parents because I've been too sick to be able to do anything independently.
D) THERE'S A FREAKING BABY GROWING INSIDE OF ME!!!!!! I am responsible to raise this child so that he/she turns out to be a good person! Suddenly it doesn't seem like it's so easy...
E) For the first time in my adult life, I have to rely on someone other than myself for my own security. That's the hardest thing out of all this.
So while I sit at home all day, unable to do anything except watch TV and try to find something new and interesting online, I have to wait (again, for an undisclosed period of time) to hear good news about an apartment and a job for Ray in Colorado. I trust him that he'll be able to get it all put together eventually, but he does things soooo differently from me that it freaks me out and makes waiting agonizing. Trying to find the balance between giving advice and telling him what to do and how to do it and still showing him respect as the leader of our family is something I'm still trying to figure out how to do. I must say though, Ray is a lot more open to hearing me out than he used to be. That makes things easier. Marriage is hard, but we're definitely both trying... even if we are thousands of miles apart right now. (That came out way more over-dramatically than I wanted it to.)
I guess I try to remember that in the long run, this freak out and uncertainty is temporary. However, that thought doesn't always offer the comfort I need because it still seems intangible. In my head I know I'm pregnant but I don't feel pregnant, so when mom tells me that this sickness will end and I'll have a beautiful little baby in my arms, I still kind of don't believe her... I'm still stupid sick and it still sucks and it's still hard to not be angry about being incapacitated right now. And in my head I know that Ray will get everything with a job and an apartment figured out, but for now I see that he's been gone a month and has made small progresses, but there's still not a job or an apartment and it's hard not to think that if it were up to me, I'd have already figured it all out by now. That's definitely not respectful of me to have that thought and that's exactly what I mean when I say I'm still trying to find balance and also learn to rely on someone else for my own security. Ugh.
Looks like I've just gotta keep doing what I've been doing. Sitting and waiting for things to come together, because they always have in the past, so they must continue to do so in the future. For now, I'm in control of how much love I show my husband and I know that will have a huge positive effect on him. Maybe I should focus more on that. I definitely know I love him. I really do need to take a chill pill...
Sunday, January 9, 2011
New Year, New Start.
Another year has come and gone. Last new year's I was caught up in thinking how much change was going to happen in 2010, and I'm in the same mindset with 2011 as well. Here's a review of my 2010.
January
- I had spent New Year's with Ray in Utah. He was living temporarily in Provo, and since I had two weeks of holiday's, I drove down to Provo to see him, much to the dismay of my parents. I was protected though, and I really enjoyed my time in the car. After two days of nine hours straight of driving, I finally made it safely to his apartment, and we had a blast together.
I remember spending the last few hours of 2009 on Temple Square watching part of a musical presentation that was put on in the Tabernacle. Jericho Road and Cherie Call performed, and I loved it. Ray just loved his arm around me. haha...
As midnight was nearing, we were trying to figure out where the fireworks were going to come from and where to situate ourselves to see them best. I'm not sure if we ever really figured it out, but I know as soon as we heard fireworks, we ran and ran and ran in that direction. We finally got to a place where we could kind of see them, so Ray stopped me and kissed me, which was my very first actual New Year's kiss. Good memories all around.
February
- This time it was Ray's turn to visit me, so he flew up for a week, and lucky for him, it was one of the coldest February's I could ever remember. We decided it would be fun to go on a train date, so we got on to the LRT in Edmonton, and rode it to the North Side, and spontaneously decided to get off at where I thought the dollar theater was... haha. It was a bit further than I had anticipated, but we definitely made it there, practically frozen solid. We watched the movie, then had to make it back to the LRT station... I don't really know why I suggested that. It was miserably cold, but we made it through just fine.
March
- Ray and I had decided to get married on May 8th, so in order to save on money, we didn't visit each other this month. It was miserable, but I was thankful to have the YSA because it gave me plenty of things to do. I had been heavily involved in the YSA ever since I was 19 so it was something I was comfortable with. My calling as the Ward Welfare Specialist gave me plenty of things to do as well. I had to keep track of who was looking for a place to move into and who was looking for roommates. It's definitely something I'm not the most skilled at, but I think I helped some people...
- My best friend Monie and I had become obsessed with swimming. We went all the time. I'm pretty sure we went at least twice a week this whole month. At first our swimming was mostly just doing a couple laps, stopping and talking until we got cold, then going for another couple laps and stopping. Then we got more competitive and started seeing how fast we could swim a kilometer. We actually started doing pretty good. I think the fastest I ever swam a kilometer was about 25 minutes. That's 40 laps!
April
- By this time, Ray had moved back to Colorado. He had decided that he was going to move up to Canada the month before we got married, so I found an apartment for him to move into with some guys in my Single's ward, and I bought a one-way ticket to Colorado. Ray picked me up at the airport, and we spent a few days in Colorado Springs. Ray was still technically renting his apartment in Provo, so we road tripped it there together to pick up the last of his things. Then we started the long trek up to Canada in his old beat up truck. Thankfully it made it all the way there. Crossing the border into Canada was a huge ordeal, but we were able to prove that Ray wasn't staying in Canada forever, despite his truck full of personal things. We got to Edmonton, and got his stuff settled in to his temporary apartment.
May
- FINALLY it was time for me to get married!! Ray flew back down to Colorado a week early to arrange last minute things, and I drove down with my mom. The whole drive down, mom was asking me if I was sure I was ready for this because it's been an awfully big hassle. It was tolerable at first, but then it just got frustrating... I was definitely sure that this is what I wanted. We spent the few days before the marriage in Colorado Springs to help out his mom with reception details and fun things like that, then the night before I was to get married, mom and I drove up to Denver where the temple is, and I was so emotionally worked up from everything that I threw up halfway there... The rest of the night, I was just tired and after Dad arrived at the hotel, I fell asleep for the night.
I woke up in the morning excited as ever. Ray's sister-in-law came to the hotel and did my hair for me, and after we were all ready, we drove to the temple, where I saw Ray and we were able to get ourselves ready. As we waited together in the Celestial Room, I remember nothing but laughter. We were so happy and so content, that we just laughed and laughed together. We were finally called to go to the sealing room, and it was done in a flash! The room was full of loved ones, and I was grateful to have their support. After the ceremony was done, I went to the Bride's Room and got all dressed up in my pretty white dress, and I found Ray waiting for me at in the waiting area of the temple. Then we made our grand entrance together as husband and wife into the world. Everyone was waiting outside with cameras. It was a beautiful day. We spent the afternoon taking our wedding photos, driving to Colorado Springs, and having the reception. It was a busy and beautiful day.
June
- We had made it back to Canada and moved into our quaint little basement suite together. The waiting began for the whole green card process, but our newlywed life together was pretty much bliss. We had our second wedding reception in Edmonton, which ended up being chaos... I'm just glad we made it though and that there were pretty pictures that came out of it.
July
- I took Ray to Southern Alberta for the first time. We went to the Cardston temple together, and I took him to Waterton to see the pretty things they had there. We saw a lot of bears, and I think Ray was overly fascinated by them. I like to keep my distance from bears, and he likes to see how close he can get...
August
- I saw the Backstreet Boys in Concert with a bunch of my girl friends. It was pretty much amazing. The teeny-bopper within me re-emerged as if it had never been suppressed. haha.
- My little brother got his mission call back in April to serve in the Utah St George Mission, so as a farewell present to him, Ray and I took him with us to the Calgary Zoo. That day was entirely awesome. Ian and I were already close, and Ian had finally taken a liking to Ray because of their common interest of longboarding. It was special to have that time together.
September
- Ray and I participated in a lot of random things... The Edmonton Corn Maze being one of them. We went with a couple of our friends who were engaged and made a double date out of it. The summer was beautiful, and I really think we made the most out of it.
- Ian left for his mission. I don't know what was wrong with me, but I was definitely sick the morning he left, so I was throwing up while he was doing his final packing and saying his goodbyes. Apparently my mom asked Ray if the morning sickness was a regular thing. It wasn't. But I was able to give Ian a big hug, tell him I'm proud of him, and he was off. Thankfully, once he got through all the customs stuff, he called us from a pay phone and I was able to have a really good heart to heart conversation with him.
- Ray had gotten a job doing some art for a couple people in Calgary, so he had finished that, and we just had to drive it down there. One of the highlights for Ray, was getting out of the car in the parking lot, looking down, and seeing a huge pile of change just lying there on the ground unclaimed! Well it didn't stay unclaimed for long because he was right down there picking it all up. It was 60 cents or so, but Ray was ecstatic.
October
- Ray's visitor visa for Canada was about to expire, so he had to leave Canada and come back to get a new one. He was gone for about 10 days and it was misery. I couldn't have been happier when he came back.
- Our first Halloween together, Ray and I decided to dress up as Zombies. We made awesome zombies. We showed up at our ward party, and Ray scared a few kids and made them cry. He was quite pleased with himself. haha.
November
- Ray was called as the Sunday School teacher for the older youth, and they pretty much loved him. He decided to have a party for them as a reward to those kids who read the reading assignment prior to being taught the lesson at Church. It was a great night. I made pizza from scratch, and apparently it was delicious. I made 3 pizzas and there wasn't anything left. We watched a movie together, and then played some games together on the Wii. Ray really takes pride in being loved like those kids love him.
December
- We received notification from the US government that they needed some more information from us to process my immigration paperwork. We sent in the stuff they needed, and they received it just before Christmas. It'll take them 60 days to come up with a decision, and we'll be notified when that happens.
- Our first Christmas together, we decided to have our own little Christmas celebration the day before. We opened the things we got each other for their stockings, and that was really fun. Ray got me a wedding band, so I am officially married now. haha. We spent all of Christmas Day at my parents house. We had a big breakfast, and waited around until Ian called us. It was so good to hear his voice. He is so happy doing what he is doing. I'm still so proud of him. Ray played board games with the Elders all afternoon as they waited for their turn to call their homes, then we had dinner at my Grandma and Grandpa's place. So much food...
So there have definitely been a lot of changes going on in my life, but it looks like within the next three months, I'll be adjusting to life in a whole new country. Life is sure exciting isn't it?... Sometimes it's scary, but things happen, and life changes. All will be well...
January
- I had spent New Year's with Ray in Utah. He was living temporarily in Provo, and since I had two weeks of holiday's, I drove down to Provo to see him, much to the dismay of my parents. I was protected though, and I really enjoyed my time in the car. After two days of nine hours straight of driving, I finally made it safely to his apartment, and we had a blast together.
I remember spending the last few hours of 2009 on Temple Square watching part of a musical presentation that was put on in the Tabernacle. Jericho Road and Cherie Call performed, and I loved it. Ray just loved his arm around me. haha...
As midnight was nearing, we were trying to figure out where the fireworks were going to come from and where to situate ourselves to see them best. I'm not sure if we ever really figured it out, but I know as soon as we heard fireworks, we ran and ran and ran in that direction. We finally got to a place where we could kind of see them, so Ray stopped me and kissed me, which was my very first actual New Year's kiss. Good memories all around.
February
- This time it was Ray's turn to visit me, so he flew up for a week, and lucky for him, it was one of the coldest February's I could ever remember. We decided it would be fun to go on a train date, so we got on to the LRT in Edmonton, and rode it to the North Side, and spontaneously decided to get off at where I thought the dollar theater was... haha. It was a bit further than I had anticipated, but we definitely made it there, practically frozen solid. We watched the movie, then had to make it back to the LRT station... I don't really know why I suggested that. It was miserably cold, but we made it through just fine.
March
- Ray and I had decided to get married on May 8th, so in order to save on money, we didn't visit each other this month. It was miserable, but I was thankful to have the YSA because it gave me plenty of things to do. I had been heavily involved in the YSA ever since I was 19 so it was something I was comfortable with. My calling as the Ward Welfare Specialist gave me plenty of things to do as well. I had to keep track of who was looking for a place to move into and who was looking for roommates. It's definitely something I'm not the most skilled at, but I think I helped some people...
- My best friend Monie and I had become obsessed with swimming. We went all the time. I'm pretty sure we went at least twice a week this whole month. At first our swimming was mostly just doing a couple laps, stopping and talking until we got cold, then going for another couple laps and stopping. Then we got more competitive and started seeing how fast we could swim a kilometer. We actually started doing pretty good. I think the fastest I ever swam a kilometer was about 25 minutes. That's 40 laps!
April
- By this time, Ray had moved back to Colorado. He had decided that he was going to move up to Canada the month before we got married, so I found an apartment for him to move into with some guys in my Single's ward, and I bought a one-way ticket to Colorado. Ray picked me up at the airport, and we spent a few days in Colorado Springs. Ray was still technically renting his apartment in Provo, so we road tripped it there together to pick up the last of his things. Then we started the long trek up to Canada in his old beat up truck. Thankfully it made it all the way there. Crossing the border into Canada was a huge ordeal, but we were able to prove that Ray wasn't staying in Canada forever, despite his truck full of personal things. We got to Edmonton, and got his stuff settled in to his temporary apartment.
May
- FINALLY it was time for me to get married!! Ray flew back down to Colorado a week early to arrange last minute things, and I drove down with my mom. The whole drive down, mom was asking me if I was sure I was ready for this because it's been an awfully big hassle. It was tolerable at first, but then it just got frustrating... I was definitely sure that this is what I wanted. We spent the few days before the marriage in Colorado Springs to help out his mom with reception details and fun things like that, then the night before I was to get married, mom and I drove up to Denver where the temple is, and I was so emotionally worked up from everything that I threw up halfway there... The rest of the night, I was just tired and after Dad arrived at the hotel, I fell asleep for the night.
I woke up in the morning excited as ever. Ray's sister-in-law came to the hotel and did my hair for me, and after we were all ready, we drove to the temple, where I saw Ray and we were able to get ourselves ready. As we waited together in the Celestial Room, I remember nothing but laughter. We were so happy and so content, that we just laughed and laughed together. We were finally called to go to the sealing room, and it was done in a flash! The room was full of loved ones, and I was grateful to have their support. After the ceremony was done, I went to the Bride's Room and got all dressed up in my pretty white dress, and I found Ray waiting for me at in the waiting area of the temple. Then we made our grand entrance together as husband and wife into the world. Everyone was waiting outside with cameras. It was a beautiful day. We spent the afternoon taking our wedding photos, driving to Colorado Springs, and having the reception. It was a busy and beautiful day.
June
- We had made it back to Canada and moved into our quaint little basement suite together. The waiting began for the whole green card process, but our newlywed life together was pretty much bliss. We had our second wedding reception in Edmonton, which ended up being chaos... I'm just glad we made it though and that there were pretty pictures that came out of it.
July
- I took Ray to Southern Alberta for the first time. We went to the Cardston temple together, and I took him to Waterton to see the pretty things they had there. We saw a lot of bears, and I think Ray was overly fascinated by them. I like to keep my distance from bears, and he likes to see how close he can get...
August
- I saw the Backstreet Boys in Concert with a bunch of my girl friends. It was pretty much amazing. The teeny-bopper within me re-emerged as if it had never been suppressed. haha.
- My little brother got his mission call back in April to serve in the Utah St George Mission, so as a farewell present to him, Ray and I took him with us to the Calgary Zoo. That day was entirely awesome. Ian and I were already close, and Ian had finally taken a liking to Ray because of their common interest of longboarding. It was special to have that time together.
September
- Ray and I participated in a lot of random things... The Edmonton Corn Maze being one of them. We went with a couple of our friends who were engaged and made a double date out of it. The summer was beautiful, and I really think we made the most out of it.
- Ian left for his mission. I don't know what was wrong with me, but I was definitely sick the morning he left, so I was throwing up while he was doing his final packing and saying his goodbyes. Apparently my mom asked Ray if the morning sickness was a regular thing. It wasn't. But I was able to give Ian a big hug, tell him I'm proud of him, and he was off. Thankfully, once he got through all the customs stuff, he called us from a pay phone and I was able to have a really good heart to heart conversation with him.
- Ray had gotten a job doing some art for a couple people in Calgary, so he had finished that, and we just had to drive it down there. One of the highlights for Ray, was getting out of the car in the parking lot, looking down, and seeing a huge pile of change just lying there on the ground unclaimed! Well it didn't stay unclaimed for long because he was right down there picking it all up. It was 60 cents or so, but Ray was ecstatic.
October
- Ray's visitor visa for Canada was about to expire, so he had to leave Canada and come back to get a new one. He was gone for about 10 days and it was misery. I couldn't have been happier when he came back.
- Our first Halloween together, Ray and I decided to dress up as Zombies. We made awesome zombies. We showed up at our ward party, and Ray scared a few kids and made them cry. He was quite pleased with himself. haha.
November
- Ray was called as the Sunday School teacher for the older youth, and they pretty much loved him. He decided to have a party for them as a reward to those kids who read the reading assignment prior to being taught the lesson at Church. It was a great night. I made pizza from scratch, and apparently it was delicious. I made 3 pizzas and there wasn't anything left. We watched a movie together, and then played some games together on the Wii. Ray really takes pride in being loved like those kids love him.
December
- We received notification from the US government that they needed some more information from us to process my immigration paperwork. We sent in the stuff they needed, and they received it just before Christmas. It'll take them 60 days to come up with a decision, and we'll be notified when that happens.
- Our first Christmas together, we decided to have our own little Christmas celebration the day before. We opened the things we got each other for their stockings, and that was really fun. Ray got me a wedding band, so I am officially married now. haha. We spent all of Christmas Day at my parents house. We had a big breakfast, and waited around until Ian called us. It was so good to hear his voice. He is so happy doing what he is doing. I'm still so proud of him. Ray played board games with the Elders all afternoon as they waited for their turn to call their homes, then we had dinner at my Grandma and Grandpa's place. So much food...
So there have definitely been a lot of changes going on in my life, but it looks like within the next three months, I'll be adjusting to life in a whole new country. Life is sure exciting isn't it?... Sometimes it's scary, but things happen, and life changes. All will be well...
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Remind Us To Remember
I'm starting to feel some sense of urgency to be a more regular blogger. My little brother has sent us just as many emails as I have posts... He's only allowed to email once a week, and I can do this whenever I want to. Time to step up my game, blog world. In my own defence though, I have started sending him weekly letters thanks to dearelder.com. Its basically the most amazing thing ever. I totally miss the kid so it's nice to be able to write to him and know that he understands me and the way I am. Our relationship has definitely been strengthened in the last few years. We actually became friends. Thank goodness. Being friends with your family is what we all need. As we regularly remind each other, we're stuck together... and we're okay with it. haha..
Recently, I've been called as the Young Women's secretary in our ward. Ray and I have fallen in love with the ward. It's been an amazing experience to make our mark there. We feel so at home and so welcome and involved there. The Church is seriously amazing. I was telling my mom about that the other day, and she said something along the lines of how we're proving that no matter where we end up, we'll always be a big part of the ward we're in. That was actually quite comforting to me. I look back in my life and realized that in all the wards I've lived in, it may have taken a little while, but I always did find my place. My involvement in the Church has a lot to do with my own happiness, so I'll always be able to contribute as much as I can for the benefit of those I serve, and my own self.
Going back to my point about serving in the Young Women's. I feel like they actually like me... hahaha. I feel cool!! haha! I've always been on the opposite side until now. I've always been the one looking up to people and now I'm the one showing them what they need to strive for. It's kind of super awesome... Ray is the Sunday School teacher for the 14 to 17 year olds, and he decided that he wanted to have a Sunday School Party at our house to reward the kids for keeping up with their reading assignments he's given them each week. That party ended up being a total blast! I made pizza for them from scratch, we watched a movie, and we had boxing tournaments with the Wii. haha! They looked at our wedding pictures, we laughed a lot, and when it was all over, Ray and I looked at each other with total satisfaction, knowing that we'd done something amazing. So now at Wednesday night activities, I feel like its less awkward, and more enjoyable for everyone because we're all at ease and comfortable with one another.
I'm in charge of planning the next activity. I decided we should do some sort of scavenger hunt, but it has to have some sort of spiritual base... So Ray suggested I do a trail type thing, using the pictures that are up in the church building. So they'd have a scripture reference for a clue, and have to find the matching picture hanging up in the building, where the next clue would be put. I think it would be sweet. But just to throw them off I'd stick some totally random clues in there as well, referencing some places outside or something. I dunno.. I have a week to come up with something. No matter what, I'll make it awesome.
Today is also Remembrance Day. We get to remember those who fought for our freedom. My Grandpa was one of them. He's not with us anymore, but I still have many memories of him. He told me about how he served in the Canadian Army and his job was to repair the radios that were damaged at the front lines. He would follow behind them in his work truck, a safe distance and pick up the radios on the ground, fix them, and deliver them back up to the front lines again. The most dangerous part about his job were the snipers... They waited for people like my grandpa. So to protect himself, he would sleep under his truck. It worked pretty good, because he died when he was in his 80's. I'm thankful for what he did. I know my dad is thankful for grandpa too. Dad wears grandpa's dog tags where ever he goes. I've always admired that in my Dad. He is always showing his respect for his father by doing that. I remember when my grandpa was still alive that he would always dress up in his army uniform on Remembrance day, put on his medals, and walk proudly that day. My Dad now has grandpa's war medals, and they are proudly displayed in their home, along with a couple old pictures and some poppies that Mom arranged. The day she gave that to Dad, there were a lot of tears all around. It's a wonderful thing to have a day to remind us to remember. Thank you Grandpa...
Recently, I've been called as the Young Women's secretary in our ward. Ray and I have fallen in love with the ward. It's been an amazing experience to make our mark there. We feel so at home and so welcome and involved there. The Church is seriously amazing. I was telling my mom about that the other day, and she said something along the lines of how we're proving that no matter where we end up, we'll always be a big part of the ward we're in. That was actually quite comforting to me. I look back in my life and realized that in all the wards I've lived in, it may have taken a little while, but I always did find my place. My involvement in the Church has a lot to do with my own happiness, so I'll always be able to contribute as much as I can for the benefit of those I serve, and my own self.
Going back to my point about serving in the Young Women's. I feel like they actually like me... hahaha. I feel cool!! haha! I've always been on the opposite side until now. I've always been the one looking up to people and now I'm the one showing them what they need to strive for. It's kind of super awesome... Ray is the Sunday School teacher for the 14 to 17 year olds, and he decided that he wanted to have a Sunday School Party at our house to reward the kids for keeping up with their reading assignments he's given them each week. That party ended up being a total blast! I made pizza for them from scratch, we watched a movie, and we had boxing tournaments with the Wii. haha! They looked at our wedding pictures, we laughed a lot, and when it was all over, Ray and I looked at each other with total satisfaction, knowing that we'd done something amazing. So now at Wednesday night activities, I feel like its less awkward, and more enjoyable for everyone because we're all at ease and comfortable with one another.
I'm in charge of planning the next activity. I decided we should do some sort of scavenger hunt, but it has to have some sort of spiritual base... So Ray suggested I do a trail type thing, using the pictures that are up in the church building. So they'd have a scripture reference for a clue, and have to find the matching picture hanging up in the building, where the next clue would be put. I think it would be sweet. But just to throw them off I'd stick some totally random clues in there as well, referencing some places outside or something. I dunno.. I have a week to come up with something. No matter what, I'll make it awesome.
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| In the middle is my Grandma and Grandpa Dyer with my Dad and Uncle when they were little and cute. |
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