It's Actually Real?!!!

Okay. So I'm pregnant. That's old news now... Well... Kind of. Only my close family and friends know. I'm afraid to make it "Facebook Official". I guess I'm not ready for that attention yet. Maybe in a few weeks when I actually have a belly I'll mention it to the Facebook world... Kinda sad that's how I base my news going public now. The world we live in...

Anyways... That's not my point. I'm almost at 13 weeks pregnant now. I have to see the Doctor every month, so I just had my second check up this week. This time, my Doctor did two amazing things. First, she doubled my dosage for my anti-nausea medication, and I've felt better these past two days than I have in the past two months. I'm still super weak and can't do much, but I've had a slightly better appetite, so that will hopefully help my body out. I lost 12lbs last month, so any nutrition I get right now is essential.

The second amazing thing my Doctor did made me cry. I got to hear the baby's heart beat. It was crazy! When she found the heart beat, she was like "THAT'S YOUR BABY!!!" and that's when I cried. For the first time since I found out I was pregnant, there was actual proof that something was in there other than throwing up and sickness. I could actually hear it. It's actually in there. My Doctor asked if there was anyone with me that would wanna hear it too, and so I told her that my mom was there, so she went to get her, and when she got the heart beat again, mom started crying too.

That experience seemed to ease my frustrations with how sick I've been. I finally know that something is happening and that I'm not just sick because I'm sick. I'm pregnant! I heard it! And with the double dosage of meds, I'm less sick too, so this is just a win win.

Of course, it was sad to not have Ray there. Going through this without him kinda sucks. I am very grateful to have my mom with me through all this though. I was thinking that if I was pregnant for the first time after I moved to the States, it would have been much much harder to deal with all of these physical struggles without her. So despite not having Ray here, having my mom here is offering me the comfort of having someone who has gone already through this. She seems to be able to anticipate my needs and give me empathy to help me feel like I'm not being weak. I'm pretty sure that this time I have with her while I'm pregnant will carry me through any future pregnancies I may have. My mom has really been my greatest strength as I've struggled through these previous couple months. I love her a lot and I've really cherished the bond that this situation has helped us build.

My next step is to schedule my 18-20 week ultrasound. Since that's in a couple months, hopefully Ray will be able to come here for it. That's when they can find out if it's a boy or girl. To have Ray here for that would be amazing. I don't want him to have to miss out on the entire pregnancy, and he doesn't want that either.

I'm just grateful for the perspective that hearing that little heart beat gave me. I'm gonna be a mom. It's real. Suddenly it's not all about me anymore, and I'm okay with that.