Being cooped up all alone in my parents basement is definitely not the ideal situation. Thankfully though, my body has begun to cooperate with me enough in the past few days that I have the strength (and courage) to venture out into the real world. Today I woke up at a human hour, I got out of bed, and I actually got ready to leave the house to go to Church. I even was able to put on make up! This is a huge deal for me. I haven't worn make up for like a month. I must say, having a little vanity actually felt kinda good. That kinda sounds wrong, considering I was getting ready to go to Church... haha...
I left with my mom, and I was able to wear my high heel boots, which was definitely all for the looks and nothing at all to do with practicality. I had to brace myself by holding my hand up to the wall when I walked around the Church building, but I looked good while I did it.. haha..
It hadn't occurred to me until I got to Church that I haven't been well enough to attend since Ray left. then I realized how it sucks to not be at Church with my husband. I decided to try not to dwell on that though, and take what I have now, and try to make the most out of it. After all, I was actually at Church. I was able to take the Sacrament. I was able to feel a spiritual peace that can only come from being in a building dedicated to the worship of Christ.
My Dad is part of the Bishopric, and he was conducting the meeting today, so he was able to bear his testimony. It's a great blessing to hear my Dad speak of things that are so dear to him. I don't really get that opportunity very often. He spoke of a missionary experience he had at work, when a woman asked him about his family and where all of his kids were, and of course my little brother serving a mission in Utah was mentioned. So that opened the floodgate of questions, and gave my Dad opportunity to bear a simple testimony to her that he knew of the truthfulness of the gospel. She kinda blindsided him though by saying "Nah. I don't see it." in response to his testimony, and I can just picture my Dad totally at a loss for what to say next. It kinda made me chuckle a little bit, because it reminded me of my own experiences that I had on my mission when I experienced the same kind of thing. Then what do you know, my Dad said how he feels like he finally got a taste of what it's like for all the missionaries every single day. I looked over at the Elders who were there, and they had big grins on their faces, so I could see that they were entertained by my Dad's experience too. haha. My Dad concluded though by saying that he wasn't discouraged. It didn't hurt him or the woman for him to bear his testimony to her, so it won't stop him from doing it in the future when another opportunity arises. Hearing my Dad speak like that makes me way proud of him, and way proud to be his daughter. The rest of the meeting was followed by several people coming to the stand to bear their testimony, and also to reassure Dad that his words weren't wasted. They said that his words are just a building block, and that one day that woman will catch on. It was so nice. I was really touched.
Sunday School, we talked about Prophets of God, and the teacher asked us to share experiences that we've had that have helped us know that our Prophet today is really called of God. It was good for me to be able to reflect on my own testimony, and reminded me of significant spiritual events in my own life that have shaped my testimony.
I pushed myself to stay for Relief Society, but I could feel my body was just spent, so it was harder to focus on the spirit of the lesson, which was on preparing to go to the temple. I was just glad to be in the presence of others. It's the Ward I grew up in, so I was surrounded by familiar faces. Many of the women there were my teachers growing up, and I remember them being pregnant with their first children, and now those kids are at the tail end of Primary, and here I am having my own first child. It's crazy how things come full circle like that.
Lots of people there knew I was pregnant. I dunno how... I'm sure it has something to do with the fact that I've been absent from Church, but I just thought people didn't know that I was in the Ward again. I guess that's kind of naive of me to think. I'm sure my parents get asked about me, and it must have come up that I'm living with them again because I'm sick, and either they were told I'm expecting or they just figured it out on their own. In either case, it doesn't really matter. I'm 14 weeks into it now, so it's not like I need to be keeping it super hush hush.
It was just funny how many women came up to me and were all sympathetic with their how ARE you's and everything. I always said I was okay, which isn't a huge stretch of the truth. I'm definitely not 100% but I didn't want a whole Relief Society giving me pity. haha. But whenever I said I was okay, my mom always laughed, and the person asking how I was knew I wasn't actually "okay"... It turns out that most every woman that asked me was sick for the majority of their pregnancies... That didn't really give me much hope... But I appreciated the interaction. I really like being around people.
By far the best pregnancy story someone told me today was Sister Behr. She has 4 kids, and she told me that she was sick sick sick for the whole time with the first three. When she was expecting her third, this woman in her Ward, who Sister Behr considered a fanatic naturopath, kept bugging her that she needed to be taking B6 vitamins with a B complex and told her over and over again that if she did that she wouldn't be sick. Since Sister Behr considered her to be a fanatic, she totally ignored her and suffered through that third pregnancy. When it came time for her fourth pregnancy, she said she couldn't get it out of her mind what this fanatical woman in her Ward had told her, so she decided to try it since she had nothing to lose. She said that her fourth pregnancy was a dream. She wasn't sick at all, to the point she doubted that she was actually pregnant even though it was evident that she actually was. She said the birth was a breeze, and she was ready to shower 15 minutes after giving birth, and she credits those vitamins that this fanatic kept telling her to take. So one day that woman came up to Sister Behr and told her "See?? It's only considered fanatical if it doesn't work." haha. Awesome. I guess I'm too far along for it to really make a difference to me now though. She just told me all this so that I don't give up on having more kids. She said in order for it to really work, you need to be taking the vitamins well before you even get pregnant. At least I know for the future. I don't know how I'd go through another pregnancy like this especially when I have another kid to look after already. Yeesh.
So yes. Spiritually and socially, today was great. To top it off, I was able to have a Sunday nap, watch the 25th anniversary presentation of Les Miserables on TV complete with one of the Jonas Brothers as a member of the cast (haha), and I had an awesome conversation with Ray tonight. We were able to laugh with each other and look forward to the time when we get to be together again. Today just gave me hope that everything will actually come together in the end. I really do look forward to the future. It scares the snot out of me, but I know that I'll have Ray there to pull me through it.
I'm seriously blessed.
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