Tonight I was watching a new TLC show called Surprise Homecoming. It's all about surprising US military families with the homecoming of their loved ones who have been serving abroad. I had a really hard time watching it and the emotions it sparked within me kind of caught me off guard.
I was happy for those families that got to see their loved ones again, and obviously it made me a little emotional at the thought of having my own permanent reunion with my husband. I was surprised though that the overwhelming emotion I was feeling was anger...
With today being July 4th and everything, the USA is celebrating their independence, but I was looking at it differently. Here I am, married and pregnant, yet completely independent from my husband at no fault of my own (except for the fact that I married him), whereas these military families volunteered to be apart when the soldier enlisted. There's so much emphasis placed on bringing the soldiers home to be with their families again, yet there is no emphasis on people like me that just have to wait until it's decided we aren't a threat to their country.
My husband and I are stuck (literally) in the middle of this whole drawn out immigration process that has no appeal to anyone's human side. It's just a bunch of requirements that need to be met and papers that need to be filled out and submitted. I understand that the same guidelines apply to each person worldwide, but the combination of time, money and excessive paperwork is forcing us to spend what looks like at least a whole year apart. I don't really feel like forcing a family to be apart for that long, just because of a decision to get married, is human. Yet there seems to be no urgency in preventing that from happening to anyone. I'm sure if they wanted, they could find out if the marriage is a scam or not some other more efficient way. Having to come up with the money to pay the huge fees for filing the paperwork that basically details my entire life history takes time. Then more time is spent having to wait while that actual paperwork is being processed. Then having to pay even more money, which takes even more time to come up with, just so I can fly across Canada to prove to some stranger in person that I'm actually in love with my husband... It's all so excessive and ridiculous.
So I wasn't celebrating my independence today. I have no reason TO celebrate it. I'm just in a situation where I'm forced to live without my husband as I watch these soldiers with priority placed on them to reunite with their families. Compared to them, I feel like I'm a nuisance... like I'm just being pushed aside.
I guess what I'm getting at is on this day, when all the people in the US are celebrating their country, I'm left feeling kind of bitter because I feel ignored. I feel as if I'm being treated more as a number, and less as a person. They don't care about my situation. They just care that the requirements are met, and unfortunately it's not as easy for us to do as it is for others, considering the fact that we have to do it all by ourselves. We have nobody to sponsor us and vouch for us, so we just have to invest even more time into coming up with the money for fees and proof of assets and annual income completely by ourselves. My husband is working his butt off trying to come up with the necessary money, but the work being put into making money means nothing. It just means more time him and we have to be apart.
I wish there was someone that I could talk to who cares about individuals. I know there are people who have the power to bypass, or at least speed up all of this junk and let us be together. I just don't know how to get to those people. The US government needs to know that I won't become a welfare case, and I know I won't because I know the effort my husband is putting forth to not allow that to happen ever, but like I said, that means nothing. If only I could find someone that it does mean something to... I just need a human to appeal to. Then I can stop feeling this bitterness and loneliness.
It was never my goal to find an American and marry him so that I could live in the USA. My goal was to find a man that loves and respects me, and could take me to the temple to be sealed to me eternally. The man I found just happened to be an American, and we decided together to live in the States to be there to support his family and young siblings. The choice wasn't some sort of conspiracy or lifelong dream of mine. Canada or America makes no difference to me, as long as I'm with my husband and we can be together as our little family begins to expand.
I don't like this independence. I feel incomplete without my husband, and life seems unfulfilling without him. I love my own family and yes, it will be hard to leave them. But home is where my heart is, and my husband has that part of me...
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