The Mystery Continues...

My life... It's become more unpredictable than ever before... and that's saying a lot because I've had a pretty eventful life so far! Here's the latest Lucas drama. I've decided that point form is the only way to give all the information without writing a novel. So here goes...

• The drain had been removed from Lucas' liver and he seemed to be doing amazing
• Breathing on his own with very little extra oxygen
• Increasing feeding volumes
• Gaining weight and getting fat
• I was super relieved and loved being able to hold him, as evidenced below

• Ray was also very relieved and loved being able to hold him, as evidenced below

• I noticed that Lucas was starting to struggle to breathe, and the nurses kept on suctioning out his nose and throat which seemed to only be a temporary fix
• Got a call from the doctor on August 17, telling me that Lucas was having a hard time keeping his oxygen levels up, and he was struggling harder to breathe
• Lucas got an X-Ray 
• It showed that the cyst on his liver had grown back
• It was squishing his lungs and that was why he was struggling so hard to breathe
• Ultrasound was ordered to get a closer look
• Labs showed that he was still fighting infection despite being on antibiotics for so long already\
• A blood culture was started to see if it was the same blood infection
• Lucas was put back on CPAP to assist his breathing
• I really hate CPAP... It squishes his face and I can't really see him behind that huge apparatus
• Ultrasound showed the cyst had grown to 4cm all around

• The next day, August 18, Lucas was taken to Radiology for a CT to have another drain inserted into his liver
• This meant he had to be put under anesthesia and had to get a breathing tube down his throat... *grumble grumble*
• The doctor thought that there was a possibility that the cyst wasn't related to the infection, and that instead it might be caused by a connection in the liver to a bile duct and that's what kept on filling it
• During the CT, they injected a dye to see if there was a connection like the doctor thought
• Apparently not. They couldn't see any connection that shouldn't be there.
• 20mL of fluid was removed from the cyst during CT
• A different kind of drain was inserted this time, which allowed the cyst to continuously drain into a bag
• After the CT they did another X-Ray to check on his lungs
• It showed that his lungs weren't being squished anymore, but because of the lack of space there was, some air pockets in his lung above his liver had collapsed
• They were originally planning on taking him off the ventilator that day, but because of what they saw on X-Ray they left him on the ventilator over night
• Apparently the air pockets would re inflate on their own as long as his breathing was strong, hence staying on the ventilator
• Lucas super hates the ventilator
• He was trying to breathe against it as soon as he woke up from the anesthesia
• He kept on grabbing at the tube and pulling at it
• The nurses were afraid to leave him alone in case he pulled out the breathing tube when they weren't watching
• Since Lucas was so mad at the tube being down his throat, he wouldn't calm down
• The nurses ended up having to wrap his hands up super well in his blanket and swaddle him really tight
• He also needed to be given pain medication to get him to actually sleep
• August 19, the blood cultures came back positive. 
• It was the same infection in his blood, which is apparently very resistant to the antibiotics
• He was started on a second antibiotic, rifampin, which is apparently used in conjunction with his first antibiotic, vancomycin, to make it some sort of super antibiotic...
• Another X-Ray was done to check his lungs
• It showed that the air pockets had re inflated, so that's good at least...
• It also showed that the tube was in a tiny bit too deep, causing him discomfort
• Respiratory was called in to pull the tube out 1cm
• Lucas took advantage of the opportunity and squirmed a whole bunch while they were trying to fix the tube
• His squirming made it really hard for them to move it such a small amount and instead, the breathing tube slipped right out
• It was actually really funny to watch. All of the sudden the tube is in the person's hand and the nurse was running out to call the doctor over while another person automatically grabbed an oxygen mask and had it over his face in no time
• Pretty sure Lucas made sure that thing came out. It just made him mad.
• He ended up back on CPAP. Thankfully they didn't think they needed to put him through getting another tube down his throat.
• August 20, uneventful and restful day
• August 21, another blood culture was started to see if 48 hours with the second antibiotic had made any difference
• Two day wait for the results...
• August 22, spent weaning the oxygen level Lucas was receiving down
• He seemed to be doing okay, but wouldn't stay too happy if the oxygen got set too low.
• August 23, blood culture results came back negative!
• They kept them going to see if anything would ever come back positive, just in case, but two days with no positive result was a very good sign
• He has to be on the antibiotics for six weeks from the last negative blood culture, meaning the clock restarted and he's got six weeks to go again before those antibiotics are over with
• I asked about the plan to get him off of CPAP and never really got a clear answer...
• August 24, the doctor noticed that his belly was bigger than it should be and another ultrasound was done that day
• It showed that his entire liver was enlarged and that there was some extra fluid floating around in his belly
• He was started on a medication to help him pee out excess fluid in his body
• The liver being enlarged was likely a result of the cyst causing the entire organ to be inflamed
• His feeds were stopped in case his digestive system was getting stressed
• August 25, the results of the ultrasound weren't too concerning, so the drain was removed and Lucas was started back up on his feeds
• Apparently Lucas was starving because the nurses were having a hard time calming him down
• Once he got fed again, he calmed down immediately and zonked right out
• August 27, Lucas came off CPAP finally!!!
• CPAP was replaced with high flow oxygen, and he seemed to be doing really well with it
• He weighed at 4lbs 8oz
• Blood cultures still negative
• Took Warren to visit Lucas again. It had been a while since he saw him last.
• Warren did amazing!
• He said things like 
• He so cute
• I want to touch his toes/his hair/his cheeks
• See?! I hold his hand!!!
• I want to share my car wiff baby brudder
• He need to sweep (sleep) so he get better and come home to play!
• I wuv him!

• August 29, another ultrasound was done to see if the cyst was growing back or shrinking and healing
• The doctor told me that there was "a little bit of fluid re accumulation" in the cyst
• The blood cultures are still negative, so it doesn't make sense that the cyst can still be growing so it can't be related to the infection
• Now they're back to the idea that there's a connection in his liver to a bile duct which is filling this stupid cyst thing
• Since the CT they did when they checked for a connection didn't show anything, the doctor sent those pictures to the main campus in Denver to get them to look at it and see if they could see something they were missing here
• The people in Denver suggested that since Lucas is so small, during the CT, they could only use a small amount of pressure to push the contrast dye through, and that might not have been enough pressure to show a connection if there really was one
• The doctor here decided to order a new test called a HIDA scan that would be able to show more definitively if there really was a connection 
• This test is done by "Nuclear Medicine" people
• A nuclear, but apparently safe dye is injected and it tags all the bilirubin cells that are in his liver, so they watch those cells to see if they're going somewhere they shouldn't be going
• They assured me that this was a safe procedure though, and that it didn't require sedation and it wouldn't make him feel funny
• I went with him to the HIDA scan. It was a giant machine that filled a room and then they put my tiny 4 pound baby on this giant thing... It was kinda funny...
• The dye was injected and they needed him to stay there for an hour as they took pictures to track all the cells 
• Lucas did really well. I was able to sit next to him and hold his hand and make sure his binky/soother stayed in his mouth
• He had to skip a feeding before this thing though so he was pretty hungry and sucked on that soother like his life was depending on it

• After the test, he was brought back up to the NICU and got all settled back in his bed and got his much anticipated feeding
• He zonked right out. He had basically been awake for the last two hours as he was being prepared to go down to this Nuclear Medicine room, then he never really fell asleep during the scan because he was starving and there was all the travel time... Pretty sure he has never been awake that long, so after he started getting fed, he was just wiped.
• I had spent almost six hours at the hospital, so it was time for me to leave...
• I should find out the results of the scan today. I sure hope they find something. They're running out of minimally invasive procedures and tests that they can do...
• If this test comes back normal, they might have to resort to surgery to look at this thing first hand and nobody wants that to happen
• So again we wait.
• At least he is eating, breathing and growing
• He is also ridiculously cute and holding him is the best ever
• Prayers for Lucas are always welcome
• Ray and I are holding up and clinging to faith that all will be well. Lucas truly is healthy outside of this mysterious cyst. So once it is taken care of, he really will only be getting better from then on.

*Update*

The results of the HIDA scan came back normal. No connections to places there shouldn't be, so that's good, but we still don't know for sure why that cyst is getting bigger again. The plan now is just to wait. Lucas is healthy (outside of the cyst) and progressing like he needs to be, so they're just gonna keep letting that happen and do regular ultrasounds to make sure the cyst isn't becoming a problem again. It could be just that it needs more time to respond to the antibiotics. So for now I'll just enjoy being able to hold him and cuddle every day. I know this precious boy has had plenty of Divine assistance so far, and I know that isn't going to stop. If the doctors never figure this thing out then at least God knows what it is and He can fix it. 

Good Things!! Finally!!! Good Things!!!

They aren't kidding when they say that babies get sick fast, but they also get better fast. Little Lucas has improved by leaps and bounds in the last two days. Draining that cyst in the liver seems to have been the key. They kept on getting less and less fluid out of it, so today it was decided that they weren't pulling enough out anymore for the drain to be necessary and they removed it! His color has gotten better and he's nice and pink. His liver function labs are also within acceptable range now. Such a huge relief.

His ventilator was removed on Saturday and is currently on CPAP, which is basically what people with sleep apnea use. It's forcing air into his nose and reminding him to breathe. He's been on the ventilator for a week so they're weaning him off of the  That should be the next thing to go, so hopefully by tomorrow night he will be off the ventilator machine completely.

Another bit of good news is that all his IV's are out! He still has the central line, but his hands are finally all free. As of now, the only medications he's receiving are his antibiotics and his nutrition fluids. That's huge!!! He was getting so many drugs and now he's not! They even stopped his pain meds. He gets a dose just before the nurses do anything to him to keep him calm, but other than that, he's managing just fine. He's able to sleep and he seems pretty comfortable. 

Lucas has also started feeding again. They are giving him 3mL every four hours. It's going to stay there for a little bit and eventually they will start slowly increasing his feeds. Also, despite the traumatic week Lucas has had to go through, he has gained weight! He is now a hefty 3lbs 6oz. He needs to keep that up, and I don't think it will be a problem. 

So the nurses are talking like he will be off the CPAP machine in the morning. If that is the case, it's looking good that I'll be able to hold him tomorrow. I am pretty sure I need it more than Lucas does. Tomorrow sure can't come soon enough if that's what's going to happen. I sure hope it does. 

The nurses are also saying that by the end of his six week treatment of antibiotics, he will be 37 weeks and very possibly able to come home right after his last dose. Pretty sure that will be one of the happiest days of my life. I already told Ray that I'm not putting him down or letting anyone else hold him until I'm good and ready to share the little dude once he's home. Haha. 

So. Things are definitely on the up swing. I'm so relieved and I feel like I can breathe again. What a crazy week it has been. I'm definitely glad it's over and I'm ready to never have to go through that again. Each day my little boy is getting better. 

My Little Fighter

Lucas just keeps on throwing us curveballs. He's been getting treated with  antibiotics for the blood infection, but his labs were showing something weird was going on with his liver. He was put back under phototherapy to fix it and it looked like it helped, but his numbers that they've been trying to bring down shot back up again as soon as he was taken off of it. An ultrasound of his liver was done and they found a mass. The doctor was going to wait until the antibiotics were finished to look into it more because he was pretty sure it was an abscess and nothing super worrisome, but then his labs for his liver continued to worsen. The doctor decided to be more aggressive in figuring out what was going on because obviously it was causing his body distress. Lucas was taken to get a CT scan and they had to put him under anesthesia to keep him still. They were prepared to drain the abscess so once they confirmed that it was something they could drain, they did so. That's another reason they put him under anesthesia. It turned out to be what they called a cyst, not an abscess, because it wasn't filled with pus, it was filled with a reddish brown fluid. They had to surgically insert a drain because they wanted to empty it slowly. The cyst was huge though, 5cm x 6cm x 3cm. So they initially pulled out 24mL of fluid, then six hours later they pulled out another 10mL. Since then they've been pulling out less so it's emptying out and it's really helped improve his color. The fluid is filled with bacteria though. A second blood culture that they thought was negative also came back positive. The first culture they did took 1.5 days to come back positive so when the second one was negative after the same amount of time, they thought he was in the clear, but it came back positive after 2.5 days. At least the infection is slowing down. So with this cyst and the blood infection that's still there, he's getting an extra long antibiotic treatment. He will be receiving them for the next six weeks. Lucas had a central line put in the day before the CT scan because at that point they thought his blood infection was taken care of. If they don't get the infection under control soon, they're going to have to remove the central line. That's a huge bummer because it allows his medicine to go right into his core and get to work faster. We'll see how that pans out in the next couple days. And as if he hasn't been put through enough, he also had a spinal tap to rule out meningitis since that was in the group of possible causes. It came back negative so he doesn't have meningitis. 

My brain is starting to feel like mush... It's being filled with all this medical information. I know that he will get better, but right now I'm starting to lose my patience. Lucas has gone through more in less than two weeks of life than most people go through in their entire life. He's being pumped full of a giant cocktail of medications and being put through painful procedures and having to deal with lingering pain from those procedures. As his mother it's killing me to not be able to pick him up and hold him and comfort him and protect him. I have to watch him from outside of a plastic box as he winces from his waves of pain and watch him as they give him more pain medication to make him fall asleep. As thankful as I am that they can help him sleep, I hate that he has to have those drugs to force him to sleep. People say that outwardly I seem to be handling all this well. I'm grateful that people think that, because I sure don't feel like I've got myself under control. My husband is a huge source of strength for me though, and I am so grateful for his support. Without him I would be a complete basket case. 

I'm taking one day at a time and hoping each new day is less eventful than the last. It's a constant battle to remind myself that this too shall pass and I'll have my baby boy at home to cuddle with and take care of myself without a nurse watching over me. 

So here's hoping that today less happens than yesterday. And that tomorrow, less happens than today. For the sake of my sanity and my son's health. 

Little Body, Big Scare...

For being such a small person, Lucas sure can give us quite the scare.

Monday evening we came to see the little man in the hospital. The nurse told us that she had noticed his little belly was a bit bigger, and she thought it was because he was up to 15mL of milk per feeding. However, after three hours his belly didn't appear to get any smaller so she was hesitant to feed him again until a nurse practitioner took a look at him. We had to leave before that happened though. We trusted that all would be well and that Lucas was in good hands.

We spent the evening in Manitou playing at the penny arcade with Warren. He went on a bunch of rides, played some games and did astonishingly well at air hockey. He stood on top of a milk crate and played like a champ!

After we got home we settled down for the night, put Warren to bed and we were getting to bed ourselves. Around 11:00 pm my phone rang. I didn't know what number it was, but I did remember seeing that I had missed a call from that number earlier in the night when we were playing at the arcade. A voicemail was left, but for whatever reason, my phone wasn't letting me access that one particular message. So when the phone was ringing at 11:00, I had a heart sinking realization that it was the hospital. Something was going on with Lucas and they were trying to get a hold of me. I answered the phone and that's exactly what it was. Lucas' doctor was calling me to tell me that he had gotten really sick really fast. He had turned an awful shade of gray and had been put on a ventilator. The doctor told me that we needed to come in right away so she could tell us more.

I realized then what a giant blessing and tender mercy it was that my mom was here. With her being here at this particular time, it gave us the freedom to be able to go to the hospital at a moments notice. I don't know how we would have handled that situation if nobody had been there to watch over Warren. There is no way I could have handled what was coming by myself.

Ray and I got to the hospital and as we turned the corner to Lucas' room, all the lights were on and there were at least six people hovering around him and another three people waiting to get in next. It was obvious something was seriously wrong. They made room for us to come in and began explaining things to us. They said that something was definitely wrong in his belly. It was still distended and and with his sudden change of color and not being able to maintain his oxygen levels, they had to rush to his aid and figure out what was going on. The doctor pulled us aside and gave us
more information. She said that it looked to be either some sort of scary infection or that his bowel had perforated. They did a whole bunch of X-rays to try to rule that out. They also put two IV's in
him, one in his hand and the other in his scalp. They started pumping him full of antibiotics, blood pressure medications and pain medications. Lucas looked awful. His poor little face was so telling of how he felt. He would wince every once and a while and he would try to move but he couldn't because of how many things he was attached to. It was obvious that he was uncomfortable. His heart rate was also sky high. It was up in the 220's from the 140's. The doctor also asked us to sign a consent form to do blood transfusions which would most likely become necessary soon.

Lots of very scary things happening all at once. It was impossible to keep it together. To see my brand new son hooked up to so many things when just hours before, he was just fine, was hard to take in. Also seeing him awake and looking straight at me was absolutely heart wrenching. It was as if he was telling me through his eyes that he was in pain and he needed it to stop. Seriously. Lost it... Thankfully we have good people in our lives though send Ray was able to call someone to help him give a Priesthood blessing to Lucas. The blessing promised that he would heal and overcome this. Thank you Heavenly Father.

There wasn't much more information the doctor could give at that point, but Ray and I weren't going anywhere. The hospital set us up in a family room that had an actual bed, so we at least were able to get a few hours of sleep.

In the morning, we headed straight back to see Lucas. A nurse was constantly working on him, taking blood, giving new medicine, listening to him, trying to get his heart rate down. We asked how he was doing but she said he wasn't any better at that point. He was having trouble producing urine, his body was struggling to supply oxygen everywhere it needed to go, so they had to give him 96% oxygen through the ventilator to compensate. The doctor came to do rounds and he explained that they had done blood cultures and he was expecting those to come back positive for infection. They had ruled out a perforated bowel, so that was good at least. They knew it was an infection, they just needed to find out where, and that would happen soon. The doctor also wanted to try to wean him off such a high concentration of oxygen, so they planned on lowering that throughout the day.

As the day went on, they kept a close watch on him, continued giving him antibiotics and letting those run it's course. His heart rate was still very very high though. It hadn't dropped below 200 yet,
so they were trying to get that under control. Eventually, they found that as they gave him a lot of
fluids that it increased the volume in his veins and that it actually helped calm his heart rate down, so they kept doing that regularly. He slowly started improving and finally dropped below 200 late in the evening. It looked as if the antibiotics were also beginning to do their job. He was finally starting to turn a corner and improve, though he still had a long way to go. Late that night was also when he began producing more urine and had a bowel movement. All very good things showing that his organs were beginning to function again and that they were getting healthy again too.

The blood cultures ultimately did come back positive, so they know that he does have a blood infection, now they're just working on figuring out what kind of blood infection it is specifically. The antibiotics he is on now are general, but powerful so he's already being treated for as much as they can. Once they find out what it is specifically they will adjust his medications accordingly to go after it.

So all that was crazy. Since he started improving last night, we decided to come home to see Warren and give him some attention and also to sleep in our own bed and get a good rest. The worst of it seems to be over now though so we are all breathing a huge sigh of relief. He will get better, but it will take time. I'm much more together today than I was yesterday.

Lucas still looks like he is in rough shape. He's really puffy from all the fluids he's been given, but in the next couple days he should be looking better. The fluid just has to work through him. He is also more alert today than he was yesterday. Yesterday with all the stuff going on in his body he pretty much just shut down and slept all day, which it was grateful for. Sleep is always such a great thing when you're sick so you can escape how you feel for that time. Since he is more alert today that means he really is feeling better. Now he just looks frustrated that his movement is so restricted because of all the tubes. At least he doesn't look like he's in pain like he did when this all began.

It's crazy. This boy is only 9 days old, but I love him so much already. I was ready to do anything for him to help him stop hurting, and so was Ray. I'm so thankful that this boy is so strong. He is pulling through this and his body is fighting. He truly is a little champ.

Early Welcome

This pregnancy has obviously been an eventful one, and nothing like my first. I explained in my last update that my water had broken early and I was stuck on bed rest in the hospital until the baby came, potentially for six weeks depending on if my body would last that long without going into labor on it's own. Well... My body didn't last that long. 

Early on Sunday July 27, I was woken up by some pretty uncomfortable cramps around 5:00 am. I was 29 weeks along at this point. I had experienced the cramping the day before, but it didn't last longer than an hour and went away on it's own. I was expecting this to be the same. It wasn't though. The pain seemed to be constant and was significant enough that I couldn't get back to sleep. I really didn't want to tell my nurse about it though. I had started bleeding again three days before this, which already had the nurses and doctors concerned. I didn't want to attract any more attention to myself. I was afraid that if I told them about the cramping that it was a straight ticket to Labor and Delivery. I did NOT want to be put back on the magnesium and the beds also weren't as comfortable. So in classic Alison fashion, I just kept to my stubborn self. 

Guess it was my lucky day though, because the doctor who just happened to be on that day was the only one that did rounds bright and early. She came into my room at 8:00 am and she told me that because of my bleeding, I was getting sent to Labor and Delivery for constant monitoring. Not the best news ever, but I finally fessed up to the doctor that I was experiencing the cramping (I refused to call them contractions at this point) every 10-15 minutes by that time. I was already heading to Labor and Delivery, so it's not like I needed to keep quiet about it anymore. They put me on the monitor and confirmed that indeed I was having contractions, so they decided to check and see if I was dilated. Turns out I was 4cm. Suddenly the doctor went from being casual and telling me that I would be moved over in an hour or so, to rushing to get all my things together and moving me as soon as possible.

As I was getting settled into Labor and Delivery, I asked the nurse if she thought I should tell my husband to come in. She told me yes. So I made that phone call and Ray was promptly on his way. Thank goodness my Mom was in town. She helped with Warren and we did not have to worry about getting him anywhere. 

I was put back on magnesium to try to stop the contractions. The nurse told me that if in the next couple hours my contractions didn't stop and I continued to dilate, it was definitely baby day. The magnesium didn't stop my contractions, it only spaced them apart further. However, when I did have a contraction, it was STRONG. It was as if all the contractions I would have had without the magnesium compounded into one giant contraction. It was brutal. After a couple hours, I was feeling some pretty intense pressure so I called for the nurse and she checked me. I was 6 cm. The magnesium definitely wasn't stopping my progress. It was baby day. 

All of this was happening awfully quick. I was not at all mentally prepared to be having a baby and going through labor that day, so after the nurse told me I was 6cm and that the baby was coming, she asked me if I needed anything. I told her to bring on the drugs. I needed an epidural. My head was just not prepared to deal with the pain. The nurse promptly got everything together for the anesthesiologist, and that was getting done pronto. I did almost faint when the needle got put in though... I was supposed to stay hunched over, but when I got poked because it hurt, I slightly straightened up and the doctor told me to hunch over again so that she could get passed my bone. The visual of a giant needle in my spine wasn't very good and my heartbeat plummeted to 32 beats per minute (from somewhere in the 60's). I was really light headed and woozy and super close to passing out. Everyone was really good about how they handled it though and I was able to recover. Totally worth it though. Epidurals are magical.

The next few hours are really fuzzy. I was taken off the magnesium, so I'm not really too sure what was going on, but Ray said that I would talk and it would just not make sense. I remember looking at the clock and for the life of me not being able to tell what time it was. So I just kept my eyes closed and pretty much spent all afternoon and all evening sleeping. It took me a really long time to dilate from 6cm to 10. That was probably because I was laying down in bed and not able to do anything to progress things any quicker. Ray was so patient. He spent all day in that room with me. He must have been bored out of his skull, but he stuck it out. I was really happy to have him there, even though I slept pretty much the whole time and when I was awake I was all kinds of loopy.

Just before midnight, I was feeling a lot of pressure again, and the nurse checked me and told me that I was finally 10cm. She called the doctor in and a NICU team got all together, and I started pushing right after midnight. I only pushed 3 or 4 times and all of the sudden I had a tiny, tiny baby placed on my chest. He was born at 12:13 am on Monday, July 28, 2014. He started crying right away and I was so overjoyed to hear that sweet little sound. I had been preparing myself for not getting to hear him cry after he was born. I was expecting him to have to go on a ventilator right away, but he never needed that! He started breathing on his own right from the beginning. All those drugs I had been given had paid off. My baby was stronger than he should have been. The NICU team took the baby straight up to the NICU and Ray followed with them. I had told Ray that he needed to give the baby a blessing as soon as possible, so he was able to do that in the NICU. We had decided when I was in the hospital the first time what we would name him, in the event that he came then. We chose to name him Lucas Alexander. It seemed to fit, so we stuck with that. Ray took this picture minutes after he was born.

The after-birth was more painful than the actual birth. The placenta didn't come out very easily. It was coming apart in pieces so the doctor had to literally reach inside and pull it out to get it in one piece. Oh. My. Gosh. That sucked. Thankfully though, she got it all out and everything was fine. Because the baby was so small I really didn't tear at all, so I was pretty lucky in that way. It has definitely made for a much easier recovery.

Ray came back and told me the good news that our baby was breathing on his own and really doing amazing. He waited with me while I regained feeling after the epidural was taken out, and around 2:00 am I was taken up to the maternity ward where they had a simple sack lunch waiting for me so I could eat, and then we could go to the NICU to see our new baby boy. He weighed in at 2lbs 15 oz. I had never seen such a small baby before. I was amazed though that despite how small he was, he looked so healthy. He had all of his fingers and toes and was just absolutely perfect. It was almost 4:00 am before I was ready to go back to my room and sleep. Poor Ray was exhausted. He went home so he could sleep well on our own bed instead of suffering through the rest of the night on the tiny makeshift bed in the room. 

I woke up the next morning and had a glorious shower. Ray came and brought Warren so that he could meet his new baby brother. My mom came too and she got to see grandchild #3 for the first time. She definitely was not expecting to meet the little guy during this trip. It's funny how things have a way of working themselves out though. 

Warren seemed pretty excited to see baby Lucas. Though Warren doesn't quite grasp the whole being gentle with the tiny baby thing... He wanted to hold his hand pat his head just a little bit too rough. As long as we kept close watch over him, he seemed to do just fine. Warren seems to like "Baby Brud-er Ookas".

I hadn't noticed the night before, but apparently birth was way harder on Lucas than it was on me. Poor boy had a terrible black eye! It was swollen shut! Thankfully that has healed up quickly and he no longer looks like he lost a fight.

Since he was born at only 29 weeks, it was pretty inevitable that he was going to get jaundiced. Apparently preemie jaundice isn't yellow though. It's red, and the giant bruise on his face didn't help that situation at all. He was put under light therapy for about three days, and his bruise has healed completely and his levels are all better. Those three days of tanning worked out pretty well for him. 

I was released from the hospital on Wednesday morning, and even though I had to leave my baby there, I was ecstatic to finally be free. I've been able to heal well, and Warren and Ray have been super happy now that I'm back home. Having my Mom here has been a huge relief too. Even though this was not what she was expecting to have happen during her trip here, it's worked out great. I've been able to go back to the hospital to be with my new boy daily while my Mom watches Warren. So at least for the time being, finding care for Warren hasn't had to be an issue. I am incredibly blessed.

I got to hold Lucas for the first time when he was three days old. I don't think even I realized how small he was until he was up against me. He is just so precious. He makes the most adorable sounds and I cannot get over how much I love him already. My mom was with me when I got to hold him. It was definitely a special moment for her too. 

The nurses explained to me that preemies don't handle getting passed around very well. It stresses them out. Only one person gets to hold him per day for an hour. When he's being held, we can't sway or pat his back, we just have to stay still and hold him tight. He's still supposed to be in the womb where everything is cozy, so it's very easy for him to get over-stimulated and that isn't good for his little body. It's hard to just sit still like that, but it is so amazing to feel him close. The day after I got to hold him, Ray got his turn. That boy melts his heart already.

Since Lucas is going to be in the NICU for several weeks, we are trying to allow Warren to be around his little brother often. Warren really likes to hold his hand, so Ray was helping him remember to be gentle and I got this sweet, sweet picture of all their hands together. It shows the feelings of tenderness we have for this little guy.

Lucas sunbathes like a champ. The nurses explained how normally babies have a hard time with light therapy because they can't be wrapped up. This kid seemed to embrace the freedom. He just stretched out under the light and soaked it all in without a complaint.

I can't get over how small he is. I have never in my life been around such a small baby. He's a little miracle. He's perfect in every way and he's healthy. I don't think I even understand how much of a miracle he truly is.

Lucas is now a week old. He isn't ready to mouth feed yet, so he is getting fed though a feeding tube. They started out giving him 2mL of my milk every four hours and they supplemented the rest of the nutrients he needs through an IV. They are currently in the process of weaning him off the IV completely by increasing the amount of milk they give him and decreasing the IV supplement. They are now feeding him every three hours and increasing the amount of milk he is getting every 12 hours. Their goal is to be feeding him 26mL each time and if he is tolerating that okay, then he is all done with the IV. That should be within the next few days. He will continue with the feeding tube until he is 34 weeks then they will start working with him to mouth feed and hopefully then I'll be able to nurse him. Until them, I'm basically a dairy farm, pumping and storing milk in the freezer and bringing it to the hospital for them to use to feed him.

Lucas Alexander Whitcomb
Born July 28, 2014 at 12:13 am
2lbs 15oz  14.5" long

Like I said, I don't think I fully understand what a miracle this boy is. I have no exposure to premature babies, so I don't know what's normal. All I know is that the nurses all tell me how wonderful he's doing and they all say it with a bit of surprise in their voice. I know that the Priesthood has played a huge role in this child's life already, and that is why he is doing as well as he is. I am so excited to watch him grow and get even stronger and even fatter until the day finally comes when we get to take him home. Our home isn't complete without him there. However, I know he is being taken care of in the NICU much better than I am capable of taking care of him right now at home. He is where he needs to be to be able to thrive for the rest of his life. One day I'll look back at all this and it will be a distant memory, but I'll be able to take what I have learned and use it to help someone else who is going through something similar. Until then, I'll continue to visit him every day and do my best to let him know that he has a family who loves him.

It Was A Sign Of Things To Come

If it's too good to be true... It probably is.. That's the story of my life right now.

I went into the hospital for 11 days beginning at the end of June. I was allowed to go home on July 6, but that was short lived. A week and a half after getting home, I was laying in bed, literally doing nothing. I'm pretty sure I was half asleep. Suddenly I woke up to a gush of liquid and I knew that was NOT a good thing. I had been careful not to overexert myself to avoid this specific situation. Turns out I couldn't have prevented it anyways.

I called my Aunt in hopes that she would tell me that everything would be okay. Long shot I know, but I was grasping at straws here. She told me that I needed to call the hospital and that they were going to tell me to come in, so I decided to get into the shower to prepare for my imminent long stay at the hospital. This whole time, my husband was at the zoo with our son. I called him once I was out of the shower and told him that I had called our Aunt, I called the doctor and I'm pretty sure my water had broken. He wasted no time leaving the zoo, arranging for someone to take care of our son and making it home to take me to Labor and Delivery. In all of this, thankfully I wasn't having any contractions. If I was, they weren't strong enough for me to notice them over how upset I already was.

When we got to the hospital, I was hooked up to all the monitors again and told them what happened. They did their tests and they came back really quickly. My water was definitely broken. I was taken straight to a delivery room, and told that I was getting put back on the worst drug in existence... Magnesium sulfate. I had already done two days of that medicine the first time around and it was misery. It makes me super hot, my eyes get fuzzy and it acts as a muscle relaxer so I can't move or get up to pee. So here I was about to be put through it again for another two days. The medicine is used to stop contractions and boost the baby's brain development just in case delivery was going to happen soon, so it was legitimately necessary, but I was NOT happy about all of this. My frustration was evident in how difficult it was to get the IV in. One nurse tried twice, but each time my vein collapsed, then they got another nurse who wasn't so gentle and also unsuccessful. Finally they got an anesthesiologist to get the IV started. Then they had to take blood before starting all the drugs and that took another two tries. I was a friggin pin cushion. Pretty sure it was so difficult because my body was mad at what was coming and trying to do all it could to prevent it.

Finally it all got started. The next two days are fuzzy and I know I posted stuff on Facebook, but I really don't remember what I said. I vaguely remember people telling me how positive I was, but now that I'm off all the drugs and finally in my right mind again, I can tell you that I'm legitimately upset about this whole thing. I'm stuck here in the hospital until I deliver this baby. Since my water is broken, I'm at super high risk for infection, so I'm getting a regular dose of antibiotics, and the baby is getting monitored twice a day to make sure he's healthy and strong. I'm still not having contractions and I'm not even dilated at all. I have no idea how that's possible, but that's not something I shouldn't complain about. I'm only 28 weeks pregnant, and that's definitely too early to be having a baby. The doctors want me to make it to 34 weeks ideally. After that, the risk of infection to the baby is greater if he stays inside, so they need him out at that time. Who knows if I'll make it that far though. The doctors don't even know. They've seen people make it to 34 weeks, but they've also seen people not last another week. So right now it's just a waiting game to see if my body makes this baby come first or if they have to intervene to make the baby come.

Meanwhile, my saint of a husband is pulling double duty being stay at home dad and provider. Our Ward and family and friends are providing overwhelming support to my husband, offering to bring him food and take care of our son. This whole situation sure is taking it's toll on us though. Warren knows that I'm at "the doctor" but he doesn't know why I can't come home. That makes it hard for Ray to deal with Warren sometimes because every once and a while, he just needs his Mom and I'm not able to be there for him, and that's hard for me. Ray is exhausted trying to keep up with everything, and I'm bored and mad... I wish there was some explanation as to why I could have such a normal first pregnancy (minus all the sickness) and then have this second pregnancy be so completely polar opposite and high risk.

So that's what's going on. Just a whole lot of waiting now. I'm in need of prayers to have a good attitude now more than ever. The thought of potentially spending six weeks in the hospital is not a pleasant one. Not only that, but the thought of having to come back every day to spend time with my tiny preemie baby once he's born until he's allowed to come come is almost too much to deal with. These next few months are pretty daunting to think about. I'm truly grateful for all the people that have shown such an outpouring of love to my family and I. You will never know how much that means to me. Keep it coming. I need it.

I'm A Medical Mystery

In my life, I've always been really healthy. Perfect vision, able bodied, nothing really has held me back from doing much. Every once and a while though, things happen and I have to go to the doctor. When I was around 20 years old, I had three separate occurrences of this excruciating pain in my belly that lasted for no longer than 30 minutes. When the pain was gone, I was able to continue as if it never happened. When you experience such a debilitating pain though, no matter how short lived, it's pretty concerning, so I went to the doctor expecting to be told what it was and how to make it never happen again. Well... That wasn't what happened. The doctor sent me to get an ultrasound and they never found a thing out of the ordinary. To this day, I still have no idea what it was. I'm just glad it doesn't happen anymore.

Fast forward a few years. I'm expecting my second child. I spent the whole first trimester in bed and completely useless because I was so incredibly sick. At least I knew why I was sick though. This second pregnancy seemed to be an improvement compared to my first go around though. I never really got a break from the nausea during my first pregnancy. With this second pregnancy, I started feeling better than I ever did the first time around at 16-17 weeks. It was a miracle! Prayers were being answered and my life had become a living testament to Divine Intervention.

Then last week on Tuesday, my body started doing things that it shouldn't do when pregnant. I waited it out until Wednesday morning to see if it would regulate, but it seemed to get worse, so I called the doctor and was told to go to the hospital. My husband and I spent all day Wednesday in a monitoring room. I was hooked up to all kinds of machines to watch the baby and me. The doctors thought that maybe my water had broken and was slowly leaking and if that was the case, I could have an infection. I was being told all sorts of scary things. If they confirmed my water broke, I was stuck in the hospital until I delivered. If they confirmed infection, I could be delivering the baby within the next couple days... at 24 weeks. Not ideal...

I was taken to get an ultrasound to check fluid levels and all the rest of the stuff they needed to know. Everything looked completely normal though, so here I was again, stumping the doctors. Something was obviously not right, but the doctors just couldn't pinpoint what it was. To their credit, they ran a whole bunch of tests to rule out all the scary stuff. Those tests just weren't all that pleasant. One of them involved sticking a needle in my belly and taking some amniotic fluid out and injecting a blue dye in. They wanted to run a culture on the fluid to rule out infection and they wanted to inject the dye to see if it was leaking at all. There was no leaking and the cultures would take a few days to process. They also tested my blood, which showed an elevated white blood cell count, which is an indicator of infection. Once they found that, they wasted no time hooking me up to an IV and admitting me into the hospital for the next two days at least. I was pumped full of some really nasty drugs for those two days. I was given antibiotics as a precaution in case there really was an infection and some other crazy concoction that was supposed to help speed up the baby's brain development in case delivery was unavoidable. I also got some steroid shots to boost the baby's lung development. All those drugs acted like a muscle relaxant so I literally could not get out of bed for those two days. The drugs were giving me awful hot flashes and my face felt like it was constantly on fire. I had to keep telling myself that all this was for the good of the baby. Preparing for the worst, and hoping for the best type of thing.

Finally I was able to be taken off the IV drugs that were making me feel so awful and I was transferred out of the Labor and Delivery Unit and into the Women's Pavilion for observation. The doctors told me that only one of the three cultures they're running was complete and it was totally negative, so that was a good sign. I just had to stay put in the hospital until the other two were done and if they were also negative, I would be free to go home.

Apparently that was all too good to be true though, because if it wasn't one thing, it was another. Totally out of the blue, I started bleeding a good amount on Saturday night and was given the news on Sunday that because of the bleeding, even though it mostly stopped by the morning, that I would have to stay in the hospital for another week. They need to keep me under close watch, so they monitor the baby twice a day and check for contractions to make sure I'm not going into pre-term labor. As long as the bleeding doesn't start up again, I should hopefully be able to go home in six days...

So I'm going to have been in the hospital for a minimum of a week and a half and I don't really have any concrete answers as to why. I'm still trying to decide if that's a good thing or not. I at least have the assurance of the nurses when they monitor the baby that he doesn't act like a sick baby. They all say how healthy he looks on the monitor, and if we were going strictly by that, it's pretty clear that everything is gonna be okay.

I've received several blessings since all this started, and they have all have left me with a really overwhelming feeling that all truly will be okay. I don't know why I have to experience all this stuff, but I know that Heavenly Father has it under control and I need to trust that feeling. My husband reminds me of that often. He's doing surprisingly well under the circumstances, and he credits his feelings of peace to what the Spirit is telling him. His confidence helps me be confident in a great outcome. I know that Heavenly Father has a plan for everything and we never experience things without a purpose. Heavenly Father obviously knows something that the doctors don't. It's been a theme of my life, and I think as long as I use this time to come closer to Him and not get upset or mad, that I'm doing my part to make sure Heavenly Father can ensure the best outcome.

What a life I lead... At least my family is being taken care of. Ray is doing his best playing the temporary single Dad role. I'm not a very public person when it comes to stuff like this. I don't like to announce that I'm sick or that I'm in the hospital, especially when I can't give answers as to why. When Ray went to Church yesterday, naturally people asked where I was, and by that point there's really no avoiding telling people. Apparently people get upset with me for keeping all this to myself for so long. I just don't like the attention it brings me, so I prefer to keep it more private. At this point though, there's no point being secretive about it. Enough people know, and enough people are asking why that my friends and family deserve an explanation. I appreciate prayers and good vibes sent my way. That's really all people can do for me, personally. I'm more concerned about my husband and son, so if you're in a position to help watch Warren, bring my family a meal, anything like that, it would mean the most to me. Knowing that they are okay is the greatest relief to me.

That's all the information I have. Here's hoping the next few months of my life are quiet and that my body decides to stop giving the doctors mysteries they can't solve. :)

Where are you Green Card?

I moved from Canada to Colorado almost three years ago. When I first arrived in the USA, I was admitted into the country as a "Conditional Permanent Resident". That means that I married an American and we hadn't been married long enough for the US Government to believe that I didn't just marry him for the green card. The "conditional" status of my permanent residency could be lifted after two years once I provided proof on paper that we were still married, living together and sharing assets.

Time was approaching for me to start submitting the paperwork to have the "conditional" status removed. I gathered every single piece of paper I could think of. When I finally had it all together, there was probably a good 50 pages worth of "proof" my marriage was legitimate. The only thing that I was worried about was the fact that the application required a copy of my green card. I never received that first green card...

See, when I first entered the USA, I gave them all my address information on my declaration papers. It was the correct address. I have copies of those pages to prove it. However, the person that entered my address in the USCIS system mixed up two numbers in my zip code. I received a letter from USCIS shortly after arriving in Colorado, which is when I discovered the error, and I called to correct it immediately. Two months passed, and I still hadn't received the card. I called to let them know and they said they would flag it as a "non-delivery" and to expect the card soon. As each month passed and I still hadn't received the card, I would call and the same thing would happen. After six months I started pushing harder on the phone. Only then was I told that there was a tracking number. That was when I figured out that when I received that first letter shortly after arriving in Colorado, the card had already been produced and was sent in the mail. I didn't even have a chance to correct the zip code error before it was too late. The incorrect zip code had the card being sent to a completely different city. Why I got the letters with the wrong zip code and not the card with the wrong zip code, is beyond me. USCIS said that it wasn't returned to sender, so I spent the next year trying to get the card replaced. In the end, it was just a bunch of wasted time. It didn't matter what I sent to them, or who I talked to. I just had to submit the $450 application to replace my lost card, which I was never willing to do considering I didn't receive the card due to an error I did not make. At that point, I was six months away from having to renew my card anyway, so when I asked about that, I was told that I might as well just wait the six months until my card needed renewal.

So there I was, papers all in order to submit for the removal of my "conditional" status. I was freaking out so bad about not having a green card to copy that I went to an immigration lawyer to see if it would be a problem. The lawyer helped me a lot. She told me that it's not an issue, and to just submit an explanation for why I don't have a copy of the card to submit because it obviously wasn't my fault. Done.

The wait time for that paperwork was about four months. Finally, on February 26/14, I received a letter from the Department of Homeland Security, US Citizenship and Immigration Services. The subject was "Notice of Removal of Conditional Basis of Lawful Permanent Residence". What a huge relief! They accepted all my paperwork, they believe that I actually married my husband because I love him and the letter said my new green card will be coming in the mail within 60 days. They had the correct address this time, I had been getting all the mail they were sending me, so there was no way I wouldn't be getting this green card this time.

Well I was wrong.

Three weeks after receiving that letter, I thought I should check on the status of this card. I went to the USCIS website, put in my case number, and there was a tracking number... but it said it had already been delivered on March 3. I checked the tracking number on the USPS website and again, it was apparently delivered on March 3, 2014 at 12:29 PM. Well that didn't make any sense because it was way past March 3 now and my husband and I check the mail regularly. Our mail box is even locked. Only my husband and I have the key. So how could the green card have been delivered? It was never in our mailbox! Our neighbors didn't receive it accidentally either. We live in a building with four apartments and our mailboxes are inside in the foyer of our building. If our neighbors didn't get it. there's not really any other place that it could have gone.

I called USPS, and they "investigated". That resulted in getting a letter five days later saying that according to the tracking number, it was delivered, but if I say I didn't receive it then it must have been lost in the mail and they can't find it.

Thanks...

I learned from my first experience with my lost green card, that once you have a tracking number, USCIS doesn't help you. They tell you that this is the tracking number, USCIS sent it out so they did their job, now take it up with the Post Office if you didn't get it.

Now I'm backed into a corner. I'm not getting anywhere with USPS or USCIS. My only option left is to submit the $450 application to have the card replaced. I already paid $600 to renew my card! I'm not rich. I can't just pay my way out of problems. Replacing the card means that I would also have to get my fingerprints redone, pictures retaken (in another city where the official office is) and waiting another six months, with no guarantee that it will actually make it to my mailbox again.

I did a quick google search:

"Green card lost in the mail" 149,000,000 results.
"Green card lost by USPS" 291,000,000 results.

This is obviously a huge problem. So if it's such a common problem, then why is the Government sending such an important card through the regular mail? More importantly, why are these cards being sent without requiring a signature for delivery?! Especially, if not receiving it means forking up $450 to replace it. Not everyone has that much money at their disposal at all times. I want to know what happened to my card. How can USPS enter in their system that something has been delivered, when it never actually was? Who is in charge of that?

Awareness is the first step to change. My purpose in sharing my story about Immigration is to find others who have had this happen to them. There is so much focus on what illegal immigrants can or cannot do. What about those of us who took the time and spent the money to do things the right and legal way? We are here too, and we are simply being bullied into a corner, forced to keep paying more and more money to fix a problem that we didn't cause. Somewhere out there is a card with my picture and my fingerprint on it and nobody seems to know where it is. That's a major security issue! We need to be protected from that possibility! Send the card and don't deliver it unless you have that person physically present to sign for it and accept it.

Please share my story. Comment below. Let those who this has happened to come forward. Send me your contact information so I can keep track of my supporters. Together we can at least try to make a difference. If I can gain enough support and have enough people to back me, I plan on taking this to the Senators of Colorado and other States if necessary. I'm serious when I say I want to try to make a change happen.

The Most Important Work

I had a rough day. My poor boy is sick with this awful cough and fever, so we literally spent all day in my bed. Cuddling is nice, but getting coughed on for how ever many hours straight is kind of brutal. He was watching his shows, and I was keeping myself occupied on my phone. Facebook. Twitter. More Facebook. Instagram. Twitter again.

There was post after post about the tragic loss of an actor who was found dead with a needle in his arm. How many times does this has to happen before the general public realizes that Hollywood is not full of heros to be idolized? Hollywood is full of egocentric celebrities who believe they are above the law. Their reality is not a legitimate one. Yet somehow that unrealistic reality is something we should envy and aspire to? Yeah right. All I'm seeing in Hollywood is a drug infested society of unhappy people because they think money is the cure all answer. They spend more because they think it'll make them happier. But guess what? It doesn't. So they find new things to spend their money on, until they finally turn to drugs. Hollywood is NOT full of people to look up to. It is full of people who need help. They need to know that they are nothing in comparison to the God who gave them life.

I also saw a post by a humor page targeting my Church, misinterpreting a doctrine and exploiting it to their 1.2 million followers. I will never understand why my Church seems to be the only one it's okay to make fun of. I don't expect people to believe the same things as me, but I do expect people to be good and kind and the only reason I believe people become otherwise is because they were simply taught not to be good and kind.

I know I'm supposed to be strong and not let stuff like this get to me, but I have a son who has to grow up surrounded by this. Everything he has to go through will be so much worse than what I ever had to deal with. He's going to be targeted as he grows up and tells people he's Mormon. I want him to grow up and feel the good that comes from the Church. I want to set a good example for him so he can see why our religion is important. I want so bad for him to recognize that all good things are of God, and I want that realization to blossom into a testimony of Christ. I want him to use that testimony to stand up to those people who are going to try to bully him. I want my son to have confidence in who he is and what he stands for.

If every single person in this world had the privilege to grow up in a home with GOOD AND KIND parents who love each other no matter what, every single problem in the world would cease to exist. If every child knew they were loved, they wouldn't be seeking to find it from places that will only end up hurting them, and they wouldn't be seeking to hurt others either. There wouldn't be celebrities who think they only need themselves, their entourage, their money and their drugs to be happy. There wouldn't be so many children born to celebrity parents who break up at the first sign of trouble. Those poor babies don't get to grow up in the home they deserve. They never get to know what it's like to be raised in a home with a mommy and daddy who love each other. Instead, they get a nanny who excuses the parents of all parental responsibility. Those innocent little children should be taught love over luxury. If only every child got to grow up in a home with loving parents...

President Harold B. Lee shared one of the most important truths when he said this.

"The most important of the Lord's work you will ever do will be the work you do within the walls of your own home."

I want everyone who has a child to know how special that child is and how important the responsibility of a parent is. Being a good parent is the only way to make a significant difference in this world. When you become a parent, you give up the right to be selfish because your responsibility to raise a good child is more important. The best thing anyone can possibly to do raise a child who won't add to any of the problems in the world is to show them how much you love them every single day.