Sunday, August 21, 2011

The Last Days

This week couldn't be more exciting for me!!! I can potentially have my baby ANY DAY NOW!!!! YAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!!! No more being pregnant!!!!!! No more heart burn!!!!! No more peeing every hour!!!!!! I'll finally get to care for my little boy and realize that the extreme discomfort of pregnancy really was all worth it. WOOT!!!!!

My husband is flying up here on Thursday night, and I have my final doctor appointment the next day. Ray will finally be able to hear the baby's heartbeat. Better late then never I guess... And that's also entirely conditional on whether or not the baby decides to come before then (prayers that that won't happen are encouraged and appreciated).

Friday I will also be getting "labor inducing acupuncture" which is surprisingly effective. My sister-in-law had it done and was having contractions three hours later. I was reading up on it myself and it's apparently quite effective. 88% of the women that have labor inducing acupuncture deliver their baby within 48 hours. So if it works for me, then I will have successfully avoided an artificial induction. Of course, if I'm part of the 12% that it doesn't work for then c'est la vie... I'm scheduled for a hospital induction on Monday or Tuesday next week. So... Pretty much whenever they call me and tell me they're ready for me. haha. Either way. Within the next week-ish I will be holding my baby in my arms. SO AWESOME!!!! And I'll have my husband with me!!! EVEN MORE AWESOME!!!!!

Our little family begins!!!

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Pink Inside

I think this is what my English teachers wanted me to do all along in High School. Read a book. Care about it. Write about it. Unfortunately, the teachers never chose books that captivated me, so all my reports were done after I had skimmed through the book and asked others in the class what the book was about. haha. It worked well for me though. Writing has always come naturally to me, so I was able to take my vague knowledge and make it sound like I knew what I was talking about. I know I shouldn't be... but I'm proud of that skill.

Since I don't have people telling me to read boring books anymore, every time I do choose to read, it's always something that I have a huge interest in. Then I actually read the book, comprehend what it's about, and am thoroughly entertained. Sometimes I even stumble upon a book that ignites a fire inside of me because it's about something I'm really passionate about.

Lately there's been a lot of talk in the media about this book turned movie called The Help. I heard that it was about the relationships between black maids and the white families they worked for in the 1960's. I was immediately interested and told my mom about it. Next thing I know, she'd bought the book for me. haha. I have the best mom ever.

I just finished reading it, and I find myself reflecting a lot on my experiences as a missionary in Arkansas. The book itself is based in Mississippi, but Arkansas is still the South. The same sort of mentalities and attitudes exist/existed there too.

Growing up in Canada, the idea of racism was totally foreign to me. I didn't realize that people still carried those sorts of attitudes with them. I sure wasn't exposed to anyone who (at least outwardly) shared racist feelings. I mean... There was my Great Grandma, but she was 104 and had kind of a bit lost her filters when she talked about the foreign nurses that cared for her in the hospital she lived in. But 104 years is a long time for things to change, so I pretty much disregarded her words about "the foreigners" because I think she was living in a different time in her head, which wasn't the actual time we were in.

Then I go to Arkansas, and a whole new world opened up to me. I start teaching these amazing black people who would come up with every excuse not to come to Church with us just because they didn't wanna be the only black person there, and they didn't want to be stared at or felt unwelcome. To me that was a bogus thing to think so I didn't really take that excuse seriously at all. It kinda made me frustrated because no matter how much I told them that no one would be staring at them or wishing they would leave, they just wouldn't believe me. And even when they gave me the benefit of the doubt and did come to Church, they still felt that they were being stared at. I always watched the Ward members and I didn't see anyone stare. In fact, what I saw were smiles because of the diversity that they brought and the potential for more to come because of that one person taking a chance to be there. It just wasn't taken that way most of the time.

For the longest time I couldn't wrap my head around this. In Canada, there aren't too many black people, but we have an incredibly diverse population who seem to interact reasonably well. But what I was seeing in Arkansas was total segregation. Not because it was being forced upon them by law enforcement or government, but because they were segregating themselves. Our black investigators were asking us if our Church had black congregations so they wouldn't have to go to Church with the white people... Our Church just doesn't work that way... Our Church doesn't see people as a color. The world has definitely made some huge changes to the equality of every human being in the last 50 years, but I started to discover that even though the world's view had changed, didn't necessarily mean that the people themselves had changed.

Ever since seeing this, it's always disturbed me. How could some black people still hold so much anger towards white people, and how could white people still be ignorant enough to believe that they were better than anyone else darker than them? Thankfully I met very few ignorant white people... outwardly ignorant at least... but I sure did see a lot of Confederate Flags flying around, which made me wonder what people were truly thinking and not saying. That's a scary thought for me...

I guess when I think about it, I can see why black people could hold grudges and be angry at white people. Their ancestors were the ones being treated like dirt, so why should they believe that things are different now? Just because the laws are different doesn't mean the minds are too... But at the same time, that mentality of anger and resentment doesn't invite growth. It stunts their progress and holding that kind of anger inside for so long, whether it's taught by their parents or learned some other way, is just not healthy. I can't imagine living life being so permanently angry at a general population for something that wasn't done to me directly. Mind you... I don't know what they go through on a daily basis, so maybe they really are still treated terribly and their mentality is justified. Maybe white people put on a show for us missionaries to prove how Christian they were. Hope not...

Anyways... I guess this whole issue is a two way street. Both sides have to let go of their ridiculous ideas and be willing to look at every person a child of God who is equal to them... Forgiveness will need to happen and mentalities will need a complete overhaul. Unfortunately, those changes are very individual and personal. People can only change their own minds in the end.

So what can I do about it? I know I can't change the minds of the masses, but I am thankful for things like this book, The Help, for bringing awareness to the issue. Maybe if racism wasn't a silenced issue, and people saw how ugly a person it makes you to think rasist thoughts, and more people started showing intolerance for it, then there really could be a mass influence for good. It's not acceptable for racism to just be part of how things are. That is not how God intended us to be. God really does love us all the same. He wants the best for all of us, and there's nothing that anyone can do to put themselves above anyone else to Him. Maybe if more people understood the TRUE nature of God, it would change how people understood each other.

That really is it. The Gospel of Jesus Christ is a gospel of peace and love. Intolerance is not part of Heavenly Father's plan.

The world really has made some wonderful progress in allowing equality. It's the people that need to catch up and quit being dumb. And even though I'm just one person, I still have a voice, and I can still be a good example. The more people who aren't afraid to stand up for things that are so wrong, the better. Tolerance for terrible attitudes needs to stop. Things really can be better. I hope to be the type of person that doesn't stand idly by when I see terrible things happen to good people just because they're different, and I hope to teach my son to be that way too.

Really... when you think about it... We're all pink inside...


Monday, August 8, 2011

The Universe Has Conspired

I've been an avid concert goer since my teenage years. I kinda stopped going so often to concerts (rock concerts mostly) in the last couple years because as I've grown up, it seems that the rest of the crowd at the shows haven't. Concert goers these days are still teenagers, and a lot less courteous. The mosh pit/concert in general edequette is a lost art. In all honesty, I feel out of place at shows now. But every once and a while there are bands that come to town that I wouldn't miss for the life of me. Those are the shows where I know the crowd is gonna be awesome, or the band is so amazing themselves that I will find a way to deal with the annoying people around me. haha.

This is where the Universe has conspired against me...

November 1. Ed's Event Center..... JACK'S MANNEQUIN



November 15. Jubilee Theater..... MATTHEW GOOD (who is a new parent himself)



Now. To most of you this means absolutely nothing. But to me, this is as good as it gets. I've driven 12 hours to Vancouver to see Jack's Mannequin OPEN for some band that I'd never heard of, and I've seen Matthew Good an embarrassing amount of times because he's just that amazing. Both of these bands are on the top of my favorite list.

So if this is so amazing, why does this mean that the Universe has conspired??? Well... The Universe waited until I would be a brand new parent to bring these two most amazing concerts at the same time. It's not like I can just leave for a whole night when I have a two month old to take care of. That child needs to eat and that'll be my exclusive job! Don't get me wrong. I have no resentment towards being a parent and having to figure out how to balance parental responsibilities with social activities. I just didn't expect to be confronted with this so early on.

My mom says it shouldn't be that big of a deal because the baby can still use a bottle, but then there's the issue of filling it. She says that I could pump, and if that doesn't work, using formula on the odd occasion isn't the end of the world. But in my naive world of never being a parent, I have an idealistic view of exclusively breastfeeding so I'm slightly hesitant with the idea of the occasional formula feed. But in my realistic world, I know that's not the worst thing ever. In the end, my mom is the expert in the childcare world so I believe her when she says I just need to wait and see what my baby is like and then make decisions from there.

Of the two concerts, I'm most hesitant about going to the Jack's Mannequin show just because it's not an organized, chaos free environment like the Matthew Good show will be. So because of that, I've already committed to going to Matthew Good. haha. By then my baby will be two and a half months old, and I'm pretty sure I'll have figured things out as far as the feeding issue goes. Going to that show also means I'll be sitting in a comfortable theater chair and I won't be standing in a huge crowd of sweaty people pushing me around. That's why I'm slightly afraid to go to Jack's Mannequin. So I've decided to just wait and see how my body feels and what my baby's like before committing myself to going to that show as well.

Who knows. Maybe my baby will have some psychic connection with me so he'll understand my love of concerts and be the most cooperitive baby ever. The payoff will be my kid being the coolest kid ever, and coming with me to shows when he's old enough (wearing ear protection of course).

Sunday, August 7, 2011

Oh Wow...

This is my niece. What a lady!



And this is me at 36 weeks... Holy moly. I'm huge.


Technically I'm at 37weeks now, so the picture is a week old. But 37 weeks means I'm full term!! The baby can come any time now and his lungs will be just fine. WOOT!!! Ray got his plane ticket so he's getting here late on the 25th and will be able to stay for two and a half weeks. That will be AWESOME.